Little Secret
by nessarys
Summary: Human AU, Spamano. When Lovino was little he was given away to the Carriedo family. Now he and their son, Antonio is dating secretly. Suck at summaries, sorry. Changed the title from Heta High to what it is now.
1. Chapter 1

Hetalia Street

**First chapter! Yay!**

**There are going to be yaoi, so here are the pairings. If you don't like it, don't read:**

**Spamano, RomexGermania, GerIta, PruHun, Edelweiss, RoChu, Franada, USUK, DenNor, SuFin, HongIce, NetherlandsxLiechtenstein, LietPol, TurkeyxUkraine, Giripan, ThaiViet, RomaniaxBulgaria, one-sided CuCan and one-sided FinlandXEstonia**

I was in tomato heaven. It was tomatoes everywhere. I took up a red, juicy fruit. It was shining, like something holy. I lay it against my lips and...

"Lovi!"

I groan as I heard _The most _cheerful spaniard of the world. "Fuck you, tomato bastard". He had to wake me now. I was so close to that tomato. Damn it.

"Lovi, it´s breakfast, come down." He shouts to me as he walks down the stairs. I, very slowly, starts to take on my clothes. Nothing fancy, just a jeans and a black tank top. Maybe with a tomato on. I love tomatoes, don´t judge. As I use 100 years on this, Antonio, the one who waked me, had finally decided that if I used so much time, he would bring me down stairs himself.

I didn´t get time to protest before he pick me up bridal-style.

"YOU DAMN BASTARDO! LET ME DOWN! I CAN PERFECTLY GO MYSELF!" I try to get myself down, but Antonio is very strong.

"I SAID LET ME DOWN!"

"No, I like to carry you" He mad puppy dogs eyes and, that smug son of a bitch, knows I can´t resist that look. So I let him carry me down to the kitchen. As the gentleman he is, he even sets me down on the chair, and I have to fight down a blush. It is just hot in here, I promise.

We eat breakfast in silence, before he takes me to the car. The red and shiny car at that. Without roof. Man, I want that car. As Toni drags me away, I hear his mom and dad saying good bye and i find myself doing the same. It´s a routine.

They are not my real family, but they could be. I had a biological mom and dad, but they gave me away after just one year. I still hates them for that.

So as they did not want me, they just sent me to the best family they could find. Apparently, the best family was the Carriedo. Claudia and Manuel Fernandez Carriedo have pretty much been my parents. I can tell them everything. Except that I am dating their son. That I am supposed to think of as brother. Yeah...

I mean what could I say?!

_Hello, nice weather? I know, beautiful isn´t it? Yeah, and by the way, Antonio and I are dating. Hope you guys are okay with that, because we are not really brothers, you know. Just wanted to say it, bye!_

That would totally work. Not.

Before I know it, I already sits in the car on my way to school. A shit place called Heta High. What kind of name is that? What crack were they on? Seriously.

And as usually, Antonio stops the car, and slams his lips on mine. I kiss back, not a little surprised, this happens every day. But before we can come long enough into the kiss, a car comes.

"GET A ROOM!"

And of course it has the two most annoying guys around here. Gilbert Beilschmidt and Francis Bonnefoy. It´s more like Gilbert shouting, and Francis staring at us as some kind of pervert. Creepy...

I give him the finger before we keep driving. Fucking bastards. But still, the day is not over yet and I feel like I am going to get a hell of a headache.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! This is chapter 2 of Heta High! To all those who read this story, thank you very much. I have got many nice reviews and so may have started to follow and added this story to their favourite. **

Up until now the day has been boring. The teachers' just talk and talk. Uhh, and there is still more to go. It is lunch now and I have to sit with Antonio and his friends.

He has a lot of friends everywhere, but this is The Bad Touch Trio. They are the masters of pranks, really good ones at that. The only problem is that they almost always get caught. It's not because they are seen. It's because everybody knows that there can only be, the one and only, Bad Touch Trio.

But it's not only the Bad Touch Trio and I at the table. I hardly notice him at all, but when Francis throws an arm around him and starts talking motherfucking French, then I notice him. He is a shy and blond boy with glasses. Sadly he is related to the annoying as hell American in my history class. Who by the way thinks that he is good at hiding that he is in love with the grumpy fucking British boy in my English class (and other classes as well).

And as Toni eat his delicious tomato, Francis and Matthew, the boy with the glasses, are talking so sweet to each other in French (I almost puked at the spot, that is how sweet it was), and I don't really do anything. Gilbert, on the other hand, is watching his long-time crush: Elizabeta Héderváry.

Gilbert usually annoys the hell out of her and her boyfriend. Yes, you heard right. She has a boyfriend. Roderich Edelstein. He is Gilbert's childhood friend, but I think that Roderich thinks of him as more of a nuisance. So when they got together, Gilbert felt as a third wheel, and he hated that they was so "lovey-dovey" couple (still hates).

He is really unlucky at that. He could get any girl, any time, but just not the one he rally wants. Again, I almost feel sorry for that potato-loving bastard.

"Lovino"

I turn around to see Arthur Kirkland, the grumpy motherfucking tea bastard.

"What" I growl. I growled because I am just cool like that.

"The Principal want to see you," he said.

Just his voice pisses me off. And I think it pisses of Antonio too. Since he kind of stares at him as if he wanted to take the axe he has in the basement and kill him. I have no idea of how that axe came there, and strangely, he doesn't know himself. But he thinks it is cool so he doesn't really care.

His mother and father dos not share the same opinion about the axe, but last time they tried to get rid of it, Antonio pretty much locked himself in his room and didn't come out before they promised to never do that to his precious Maria ever again. Maria is the name of the axe, if you wondered.

Arthur glares at me. So since I don't see any other way around this, I stand up and start walking to the office.

"Lovino, good to see you!"

That is the first thing I hear as I enter the principal's office. This man is the most annoying man in the whole world. And that is to be nice. He is, I don't know, 55 years or something, and he looks like a model at the age of 35.

"Wish I could say the same, old man"

"So cold…" He says with a childish pout. Did I mention that he acts like he is 5?

"So what is it that you wanted?"

He just smiles a big and bright smile, before he starts looking through his papers. "AHHHHH, I can't find it, damn it!" He yells after a minute of desperate searching and destroying papers. And right after he is done with sentence he smiles. Smiles. Damn is this man to happy for his own good.

"But that's okay. The thing is that I want you to show a new student around the school. Tomorrow. He is a year younger, but I think you guys will get along well. He is just a cutie. So be nice to him."

"Okay…" I say, slow. How am I even going to find this guy? Should I meet him some place or…?

"You will meet him in the cantina 5 minutes before class starts. His name is Feliciano, you should know at least that. Okay?"

"It's not like I have a choice anyway."

"Thank you so much, Lovino! You can go to class now, my boy."

He always calls me that. He is just really strange. And super happy. And annoying. I walk to the door and wave at him.

"Bye, Mr. Vargas."

**Sorry if this was short, but it was a nice place to end a chapter and I was running out of ideas, so…**

**- Nessa**

**If someone wonders:**

**Francis Bonnefoy – France**

**Gilbert Beilschmidt – Prussia**

**Matthew Williams – Canada**

**Arthur Kirkland – England**

**Annoying American – America**

**Elizabeta Héderváry – Hungary**

**Roderich Edelstein - Austria**

**Mr. Vargas – Roman Empire**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3! Yay! When it comes to the pairings, I want to add one-sided SpaBel to the long list.**

"Say, mi tomate, what was it that principal Vargas wanted to talk to you about?" Antonio says as he slings his arm around my shoulders. I shake it off at once.

"Hey, bastardo, what happened to '_oh, but mi amor, this has to be a secret, you know, so we don't get into trouble,"_" I complain as I tried (and failed) to sound like Antonio.

"But, Loviii,"

"No"

"Pero…"

"Zitto!" Antonio sights as he gives up.

"Mr. Vargas wanted me to take care of a youngster tomorrow. You know, show him this fucking hellhole. His name is Feliciano. I think he might be Italiano"

Maybe this kid was cool. A real Italian. Hehehehe, this school needs more of the Italian power. Fuck Yeah.

We walk in to history class and sit in our places next to each other. On my left is Antonio, who smiles his usually bright smile; on my right, I have my very best friend, Mr. Wall. Mr Wall is a quiet and white wall.

At Toni's left sits a girl, Bella Maes. She is from Belgium and has a brother that sits on the other side of the classroom, staring hatefully at my Antonio.

No, Lovino Fernandez Carriedo, no! Only think of him as yours when you are alone with him! Bad boy!

Antonio may have many friends, but he also has many enemies, such as Arthur, and Bella's brother, Lars Maes. They see each other as siblings, but in reality, they are just half-brother and half-sister. Bella is full Belgian and Lars's father is from Holland.

Behind us sits Gilbert, Francis, and Matthew. In front of me sits Alfred F. Jones, Arthur Kirkland, and a Japanese guy, Kiku Honda.

In front of the classroom stands my least favourite teacher. Legolas Beilschmidt, Gilbert's father. He has long, blond hair and blue eyes. And he is very German. Seriously. There is just something about him that just screams potato bastard in your face. That man makes people wonder if he is even related to Gilbert at all. But, apparently, he and Gilbert's little brother, Ludwig, looks almost the same.

"Schließen!"

Let's just say that I could hear a single dust particle hit the floor just now. It was that silent.

"That was much better; now, page 213." Everybody turns to that page. You could hear all the pages turn.

"I will give you 5 minutes to read the chapter. Then one of you will tell the class what it is about; now start!"

I can't do more than to start to read when Mr. Potato Boss speaks again.

" This week we will have a project about World War II. You and your partner must make an essay about an event in WWII." I hope that Antonio and I are part…. No! No way in hell!

The rest of the class goes by in silence. Not even Gilbert says anything. And that says a hell of a lot.

"Class, for the World War essay, I will now read the groups out to you. Alfred F. Jones and Ivan Braginski."

Ivan just sits there with a too happy smile on his face. It is the fucking scariest smile that I have seen in my life! That is what it is!

Alfred, on the other hand, stands up so fast that the chair falls. "Come on, Mr. B. Him? I mean-"

"Nein! I have made it this way, and this is the group you are in. If you don't like him, then that's your problem!"

"But, Mr B."

"I am not Mr. B! How many times do I have to tell you this, Mr. Jones?

Alfred takes his chair and sets it up again. He slowly sits down, and now and then he would cast nervous glances at Ivan, who still smiles his creepy ass smile. Legolas keeps shouting the groups to the room.

"Antonio Fernandez Carriedo and Bella Maes!"

Fuck. My. Life.

"Lovino Fernandez Carriedo and Lars Maes!"

Fuck. My Life. Twice.

I don't think it could get any worse. Lars hates Antonio. Antonio hates Lars. Both of them are overprotective of Bella (in Lars' case) and me (in Antonio's case). And I can say for sure that Bella has a crush on _**my**_ Spaniard.

My brain had already made a scene that probably would happen now. And it happens. Not a surprise at all.

Lars and Toni stand up at the same time and shout at Mr. Beilschmidt. Bella giggles and looks at Antonio **in a way that **_**only I **_**should be allowed to do. **Fucking hell!

"Habe ich nicht schon gesagt es genug? Ich werde keine neuen Gruppen, und wenn Sie sie nicht mögen, dann ist das Ihr Problem! Jetzt halt die Klappe und sitzen die dich, du verdammte Kinder!"

"Pero usted no entiende! Usted tiene que cambiar estos dos grupos!"

"Maar je begrijpt het niet! Je moet deze twee groepen te veranderen!"

"Speak English!"

"Please, can't you make a-" Both of the boys complain.

"No"

"But-"

"No, for the last time!" They sit back down again, looking pissed as hell.

"Mathias Køhler and Lukas Bondevik!"

"You heard that, Lukas! We are a pair! Woho!"

"Shut up, Mr. Køhler!" I think this is the only group that turned out okay.

**Finally done with this chapter! Digg! (as we say in Norwegian) Under are translations and the new characters, if you did not know their human name. :D**

**- Nessarys**

**Mi amor – My love (Spanish)**

**Pero – but (Spanish)**

**Zitto – Shut up (Italian)**

**Italiano – Italian (Italian)**

**Schließen! – Shut it! (German)**

**Nein! – No! (German)**

**Habe ich nicht schon gesagt es genug? Ich werde keine neuen Gruppen, und wenn Sie sie nicht mögen, dann ist das Ihr Problem! Jetzt halt die Klappe und sitzen die dich, du verdammte Kinder! - Haven't I already said it enough? I will not make new groups, and if you don't like them, then that is your problem! Now shut up and sit the down, you damn kids! (German)**

**Pero usted no entiende! Usted tiene que cambiar estos dos grupos! - But you don't understand! You have to change these two groups! (Spanish)**

**Maar je begrijpt het niet! Je moet deze twee groepen te veranderen! - But you don't understand! You have to change these two groups! (Netherlands)**

**Bella Maes – Belgium**

**Lars Maes – Netherlands/Holland**

**Alfred F Jones – America**

**Kiku Honda – Japan**

**Legolas Beilschmidt – Germania**

**Ivan Braginski – Russia**

**Mathias Køhler – Denmark**

**Lukas Bondevik – Norway (my sweet, sweet country)**


	4. Chapter 4

I can tell that Antonio is angry. He has this scary aura around him. I can see that the people around us are trying to walk close to the wall. If we could have seen this from above then I would guess that there was a circle around us.

Behind a very angry Antonio and I, walks Gilbert, overjoyed that he is together with Elizabeta. She did not have the same reaction to that (his reaction is a very happy Gilbert, who talks non-stop about her).

Her boyfriend, Roderich, is not happy with the groups either. He ended up with his childhood friend, Vash Zwingli, a gun freak from Switzerland.

Francis was paired up with Arthur. Not a happy pair at all. Francis wanted to be with Matthew and Arthur hates Francis. We all know whom Alfred was paired up with.

Matthew was together with Kiku. Both of them wanted something different. Kiku wished to be with Heracles Karpusi (his secret crush, that is not so secret), and Mathew, well, we all know whom he wants to be with.

The only persons that actually are happy about the groups are Gilbert, Mathias and Lukas (even though it looks like he is far from happy).

As Bella and Lars walk up to us, I could feel Toni's aura get wider and darker.

"Ahh, Antonio, it is so nice that we are a pair. Where should we work? My place or your place?" Bella asks.

I wish I could scream at her to get her hands off him, because he is mine. But I can't. No one can know about us. Well, the only exceptions are Gilbert, Francis, and Matthew.

It is not possible to keep l'amour (as the French say) hidden from Francis. And Gilbert's awesome radar never fails (trust me, it has). So, if Francis knows, then of course Matthew must know. But that is no problem. No one notices him, and he is not the type that goes around saying things like: _Listen up everybody! The Carriedo brothers are dating!_

"Bella! Yesterday I saw this really cool waffle place," Francis says quickly. She just looks at him strangely. I would guess that she was about to say something mean to him, like how stupid and random he was, but instead I get this:

"Belgian waffles?"

"Yes!"

And suddenly she had her arm around Francis and started to drag him away from us.

"Show me this place," she said. That voice remained me of Antonio's reaction to tomatoes. Oh sweet tomatoes…

Lars just follows his sister. I have to thank Francis later. Man, I never thought that I would even say something nice to that wine bastard. I guess what he says is true, his l'amour radar never fails.

"Thank God that he is gone. I swear that if he ever lays his hands on you, then I am going to fucking kill him. Maria would love some blood."

"Antonio, you are being creepy."

When Toni gets mad he gets kind of scary. He would start saying strange things like how his axe misses blood and other shit.

"Sorry mi amor, but I hate him."

"He didn't do anything, idiot."

"His presence was provoking me."

"You are hopeless, you know that, cara."

"Lo sé, cariño."

"Et vous vous plaignez-dessus de nous," Matthew sighted

"See you guys tomorrow!" shouted Toni to Gil, Fran, and Mattie. They waved before they started the car drove home.

Gilbert was sitting with Francis. They had always done that. Ludwig is not a morning person, so Gil says he is too awesome to put up with a pissed off German.

I was staring out of the window as we were driving home. Antonio was talking about how delicious tomatoes are. I could not wait for this week to pass. Almost everything that could go wrong went wrong. God must really hate me. And the list, "Those who hate Lovino Carriedo," was not short.

Number one on that list was my biological mom and dad. They gave me away after just one year. Did they really hate me? What could one little and innocent baby do to piss of his parents so much that they didn't want to take care of him anymore?

I don't know much about my real family. But what I do know is that they are Italian and comes from South Italy. That is the only thing I know. And to be honest, I don't care. I don't care that they gave me away. I have it much better here with Manuel, Claudia, and Antonio. They are nice and they don't hate me either. They love me. Until they find out that I am dating their son.

"What is it, mi amor?"

"Nothing, really. Just thinking, cara."

When we are at school, I usually push him away, but I don't see the point in being a rejecting asshole when no one is around.

"¿Estás pensando en tu familia?"

"Sí."

"No vale la pena lo que piensas, bebé, trate de no pensar en ellos. Te quiero. Yo siempre estoy aquí para ti. Recuerde que."

"Yo también te quiero, Toni"

He stops the car and gives me a big and comforting hug, and whispers in Spanish to me. I am not the crying type, but right now I can feel something hot and wet coming from my eyes. Damn it all. Antonio is right; my family is not worth my thoughts or my tears.

**l'amour – the love (French)**

**Cara – darling (Italian)**

**Lo sé, cariño – I know, honey (Spanish)**

**Et vous vous plaignez-dessus de nous – and you complain over us (French)**

**Mi amor – My love (Spanish)**

**¿Estás pensando en tu familia? – Are you thinking about your family? (Spanish)**

**Sí – Yes (Spanish)**

**No vale la pena lo que piensas, bebé, trate de no pensar en ellos. Te quiero.** **Yo siempre estoy aquí para ti. Recuerde que. - they are not worth your thoughts, baby, try not to think about them. I love you. I am always here for you. Remember that. (Spanish)**

**Yo también te quiero – I love you too (Spanish)**

**Vash Zwingli – Switzerland**

**Heracles Karpusi – Greece**


	5. Chapter 5

**Time skip. It is the next day and at the school.**

I was standing in the cafeteria, waiting for that Feliciano-guy to show up. He was late, damn it! Well, I couldn't complain. This was an excuse to drop class. I wonder what he is going to be like. Is he a smart motherfucker? An asshole? This will be interesting.

I could faintly hear someone running. Not fast, but still. The sound was coming closer. Maybe this is the guy. He was late after all, so it would not be strange if he were running.

Then I saw a boy running towards me. He looked afraid, as if someone was going to attack him. But there was one thing that was really standing out. I wouldn't call it standing out, except for the fact that he looked like me, in almost every way possible.

He had brown hair, in the same style. The only difference was that my hair was darker. He even had the same curl. His was just on the other side of his head. His eyes were brown, but the shape was just like mine.

He stopped in front of me, breathing hard, before standing up.

"I am so sorry that I am late, but grandpa was being clingy. I'm Feliciano Vargas. Call me Feli, though."

His voice did not sound like mine. My voice was cool and manly, but his was lighter and less manly. It was clear that he was a man, so don't take it the wrong way.

He was waving his hand in front of my eyes. And he was ve-ing? Is that even a word? Ve. He was saying ve. Strange boy.

"Oh, I am sorry. I am Lovino Fernandez Carriedo. I will be showing you around," I say in a nice and friendly manner.

I could play a nice person if I wanted. And I just feel like being nice. It must be because of him. I did not want to be that before my younger clone came. Maybe that is what he is? No, that is not possible. I feel like I have missed something. Feliciano, Feliciano Vargas. Wait, Vargas?

"Are you the grandson of the principal?"

"Yes!"

Okay. Romulus Vargas does look a little like me. And now there is this Feliciano guy. I think there is something that I should know. Just play friendly, Lovino. You can make it!

"Tell me about yourself, Feli."

"Veee, I am 15, soon to be 16. You are 17, right?"

"Yes."

"I was born in Venice, but before that, as grandpa says, mom and dad lived in Naples. I have a younger brother. His name is Marcello Romeo. He is 14. Do you want my address and telephone number?"

"Okay, just let me show you around."

After I showed Feli the school and followed him to his classroom, I went to my own class, English. I did not really pay attention, though. I was way too busy thinking about Feli.

It was strange. He looked like me, and he was the grandson of the principal, that also looked like me. Somebody once asked me if we were related. No, that is ridiculous. Feli's parents moved from Naples, and Naples is in the southern part of Italy, so geographically it is about right. Maybe Claudia knows something?

But to be honest, I don't really want to know. What if he is my little brother? Then I know for sure that they did not want me. Not that silly hope I have that maybe they did not want children at that time. It's me that there is something wrong with, that is not hard to see, but when I was simply one year. One fucking year! And with that little time and opportunities, I miraculously managed to fuck up my whole life. I can now give myself a reward for screwing up the most at the youngest age ever. Bravo, Lovino. You should be proud.

"Class is over, now get out!"

Our English teacher is as happy as always I see. We are in the same boat.

"Lovino! Introduce me to your friends, please!"

What I wonder about is how the hell he managed to find my classroom, when he didn't find his own.

"Yes, yes."

We were walking down the hall, on or way to the cantina, where I would meet Antonio, Matthew, Francis, and Gilbert. Maybe even Ludwig too, if he is not in too bad a mood or is hanging out with his best friend, Kiku. Ludwig seems to think that the others in his class are too childish.

Ludwig is definitely going to dislike Feliciano.

I could not have been more wrong. They are now talking too each other, and Ludwig is even blushing and laughing. I am not the only one that is scared. Even Gilbert is.

I can see how much the others want to ask me if we are related, but they all know that it is not the best to talk about. Not that it helps. I know that they all want to know. Their glances say enough. This can't get any worse.

"Antonio!"

It just did.

"Oh, Bella, what are you doing here?"

"Talking with my best friend. Can't you see that?"

"Sí."

"OMG, that guy looks just like you! Are you guys related?" She asks me. I swear that the temperature just sank 10 degrees. I could even see Lukas, Arthur, and Vladimir Lupei (the Magic Trio) turn our way.

"No," I quickly answers.

"Ye-"

Feliciano's hands flies up to his mouth and he looks terrified, before he runs down the hall. I am shocked. I mean he does look like me, but, I didn't want to know. This means that it's me that there is something wrong with.

"Lovi-"

Before Antonio gets the chance to lay his arms around me, I am already on my way home, no, to the Carriedo house. That place is no longer my home.

**Marcello Romeo Vargas – Seborga**

**Vladimir Lupei – Romania**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6! Sorry. It took longer than I expected**

As I was running down the hall, I heard Feli and Mr. Vargas speaking from the room I was passing. I stopped to listen.

"Feli! He was not supposed to know that!"

"I'm sorry, but it just happened!"

"I guess it can't be helped. But what do we do now? He will probably ask us about it."

"I don't know, even though he is my big brother. That is sad."

Sad? If there is someone here that is sad, then that's me. My parents left me with a random family in America, and they don't even say anything except that you are from the southern part of Italy and that your name is Lovino. Not even a surname. And only one year later, they go and have some other kid! I open the door and walk in. Feliciano is standing in the middle of the room, and Mr. Vargas is still sitting in his chair. I don't say anything, hoping that my presence is enough to make him answer.

"I do not think that this is the smartest thing to do now. We can talk tomorrow, Lovino."

"No! Why the hell do you think that I can just let this pass?"

"You are not yourself right now, Lo-"

"Tell me! Think about me for once! That is all I am asking!

"I really don't think-"

"Please, Mr. Vargas, I promise I will never ask again, but just this once, please tell me."

Mr. Vargas is silent for a while. Thinking about it, I assume. But what is there to think about? Just tell me already, damn it!

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything!"

"Okay. I sent Feli here, because I wanted him to meet his older brother, it's just not right for Feli not to know you."

"Because it's right that a child doesn't know who his parents are."

"I am really sorry about that, but your mom and d-"

"They are not my parents."

Mr. Vargas sighs. Feliciano just stands there, looking really out of place, but you know what? Screw him. Now I want to know why my parents gave me away.

"Anna and Guiseppe want you to move in with us, so we can be a family again."

When he finishes talking, I burst out in laughter. Not happy laughter.

"Wow, just wow. They just leave me, and after 16 years, they suddenly decide that they want to be one fucking happy family! No thanks!"

"Lovino, I can understand you, but this is for the best."

"Then why? Why did they leave me in the first place? What could one fucking baby possible do?"

Silence. Mr. Vargas did not say a thing. He was just standing there, looking lost. He didn't know, did he?

"I don't know, you must ask them."

"No way! I am not going near those assholes!"

"They are not bad people, fratello, they-" Feli says quietly, looking down. He must have found his shoes really interesting.

"So good parents leave their child on the first and best doorstep, with one single piece of paper with only the first name of the baby and which part of the country that baby is from! And you know what? They don't make contact! They don't even bother with a phone call or a letter, but they send his brother, who is just one fucking year younger! And that is after 16 fucking years!" I shout at him.

Feliciano falls on his knees, trembling and crying. What the hell? He has no reason to cry! He had a nice childhood with real parents. I did not have that. Okay, I am being harsh, but it is only his big brother being all mad and shit, and for a good reason.

"Lovino! Apologize to your fratello now!"

"Fuck you!"

I can't take it anymore. They are telling me to just forgive my parents, without even seeing them. I turn around and walk to the door. Just as I put my hand on the doorknob, and open the door, I see a very stressed looking Antonio, sitting on the floor beside the door.

"Toni."

He turns his head. When he sees me he throws his arms around me, and pressing his face in my neck. He talks softly to me in Spanish.

"Lovi, promise me that you will never do that to me again, vale?

"Sí, sí."

"Lovino!" Mr. Vargas (I refuse to call him grandpa) looks at us.

"Think about it. When you are ready to leave, then please lock the door." He says again, before going back to his chair.

"I heard everything. Don't even for a second think that I will let you near him ever again!" Toni growls at him. If I were Mr. Vargas at the moment, I would probably hide behind that desk.

"That will be hard for you, since I am the principal, and you are just a mere student. Now, please lock the door."

Antonio stares hatefully at him, before dragging me along. We went through the hall and to the parking lot.

"Where are we going?" I ask him as he opens the door and push me inside the car.

"Casa."

He looks only at the road, never at me. Something is bothering him.

"You think that I am going to them." It was not a question. It was a statement. Antonio doesn't answer. I take that as a yes.

"I wont, Toni. I hate them. I want to be where I am now."

"I know, it's just that… What if." He cast a glance at me, just a short one, before he sets his eyes on the rode again.

"I promise. Prometo."

The traffic light turns red and we have to stop. He uses this chance to give me a huge hug, holding me for a long time.

"Gracias, Lovi"

**Fratello – brother (Italian)**

**Vale – Okay (Spanish)**

**Casa – Home/House (Spanish)**

**Prometo – I promise (Spanish)**


	7. Chapter 7

When we came home, something terrible was waiting at the Carriedo's doorstep. Lars and Bella. I always seem to think that when nothing else can possible get worse, it gets worse. And I am not the only one that thinks so. Antonio looks downright pissed.

"Antonio, can we work on the project at your house, and then Lars and Lovino can have our house?"

"I think that it would be nice if we all were at the same place. Then we are able to help each other out if we need it," the Spaniard says, but it was clear that it was not the real reason. Of course, I know that Toni only wants to keep me close and make sure that Lars and I are not alone together.

"Okay." She did not sound too happy. It was clear that she wants it to be just those two, without Lars and me. That bitch could just go to hell.

Antonio takes out the keys from his black jeans and unlocks the door. The Belgian goes into the hall, as if she has always been there, but Lars, on the other hand, well let's just say that it looks like he really needs a cigarette.

"Your room is up the stairs, right?" It's not hard to guess that she hopes that something entirely different would happen. Ohhh, I hate her. I would not allow her to do anything to him, ever.

"Can't we all just be in the living room?" I ask, knowing that Antonio would agree, Bella being pissed and Lars not giving a shit.

"I think that is a good idea, Lovi," Tonio says. Lars just grunts and Bella tries to hide her disappointment as she nods.

"Great!" The Spanish idiot smiles his huge smile and walks into the kitchen, saying that he will bring some chips. The siblings and I go and sit on the couch and taking up the PC.

"Which part of WWII shall we take?" The Netherlander asks me. I shrug.

"What do you want?" He does the same.

"You guys are just so awkward. Shall I pick for you, since you can't seem to find anything or even bother to!" Lars and I answer with a quick yes.

"I and Antonio will take the Invasion of Belgium, and you guys will take the Invasion of Holland. That makes a connection between our presentations. What do you think, Toni?"

"I think it sounds great! Do you agree Lovi?"

"Yes." It is Lars that answers.

"I did not ask you, shit face."

"Shut your mouth, stomme ezel"

"What did you say, maldito idiota holandés?"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing, vuile spaans varken"

Bella and I sigh, thinking of how stupid they are. We both whisper at the same time: "Maledetti idioti" "Verdomde idioten".

We look at each other for a moment, before we break into laughter.

"Bye, Toni and Lovi!" She waves and drags Lars with her.

I would never have thought that they could be so nic- No, she is trying to take Antonio from you, don't think of her as nice! She is evil, evil, evil! And Lars is kind of nice too, when he is not bothering Antonio (which is 75% of the time). But he did actually talk to me, and the four of us had a really good time. Wow, have I really sunken that low?

The answer is yes, and I am not proud of it.

My Spanish boyfriend closes the door. I begin walking to my room when Antonio takes my hand, but he does not stop me, just keeps walking and dragging me along. He stops in front of his room. I look up to see his little smile. Shit.

"You two seem to get along."

"Who?" I swallow hard. I already know whom he is talking about.

"Lars."

"Yeah…he is nice, I guess…" Slowly Lovino, slowly. Too late, he already pushes me through the door and closes it hard after us, and all along he is smiling his creepy and possessive smile.

It's finally Friday, and not any Friday. Because now Antonio and I have been together for 3 years! But sadly, the perfect day begins with a really sore back and me being tired as fuck.

The idiot is, of course, as happy as ever, no scratch that, he is even happier than usual. He always smiles, but today it even wider and brighter (if that is even possible). And now he sings me a Spanish love song and is so happy that the world might die from an overload of happiness.

He looks like he has slept for twelve hours; I on the other hand could have been taken for sleeping five. A lovely couple, I must say. One happy as fuck, and the other one looking so pissed that a big dog would run with their tail between their legs. Yeah…

"Lovi!" Happy voice.

"What?" Not so happy voice.

"Te amo."

"Fuck off."

"But, Lovi." He sounds like a kicked puppy. How can I refuse?

"Ti amo, bastardo."

"Awhh, Lovi, you're so cute! I think I need a hug!"

"No."

"A kiss?"

"No."

"But it is our anniversary, mi amor." He must know that I can't refuse his puppy packet.

If you wonder what the puppy packet is, then I will explain. It is an overdose of cuteness. It has the puppy eyes. The cute, little and childish pout, and don't forget the sparkles that automatically comes with the rest of the packet. No one but the victim can see those.

"Okay…" He squeals as he gives me a passionate kiss. The real shit, with tongue, teeth and the whole damn pack. It is not that I hate it, in fact, I love it, but I have my pride.

He pulls back and gives me a hug. That bastard smiles like an idiot, even when he looks at the clock on his arm and screams:

"LOVI, OMG, WE ARE LATE!" He throws me over his shoulder and runs to the car. We have history as the first class, and that means detention with Mr. Beilschmidt. Just great.

**Stomme ezel – Dumb ass (Netherlands)**

**Maldito idiota holandés – You fucking dutch idiot (Spanish)**

**Vuile spaans varken – Dirty Spanish pig (Netherlands)**

**Maledetti idioti – Damn idiots (Italian)**

**Verdomde idioten – Damn idiots**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry. I used some time on this chapter, but now it is here :D**

"Lovino and Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, you are late. Tell me, why am I not surprised?" Mr. Beilschmidt sighs. We quickly sit down and take up our textbooks.

"I will give you detention after school."

Well, that's just great. This day was supposed to be awesome, but Mr. Beilschmidt ruined it. Sadly, he is not the only one. We have Bella, Mr. Vargas, and Feliciano.

"I am sure that you have a reason for coming late," Bella says, giving Toni a flirty look.

"I was having a really good start to the day and lost track of time," he replies and casts me a glance. I use all my powers to fight down a blush. Men do not blush, damn it!

Lars walks to us and takes the chair where Alfred F. Jones usually sits. Today he is with the creepy Russian.

"So, Lovino, shall we begin to work?" He asks. In today's lesson, we will work on the project. I nod and take the history books up. Lars does the same.

"I printed a little information from Wikipedia, I hope that it is okay."

"That's fantastic, Lars!" It really was. The textbook did not hold much information about the Invasion of Holland, so this is great! I wish that I had the time to do that, but Antonio kept me from it. Well, made me forget about it is a more suitable word for it.

"Antonio, we must work, Lars and Lovino don't need to be watched all the time," Bella says, looking irritated that Lars and I got so much attention from Toni. Oh, I hate her, so, so much!

"Yeah, I guess." He still gives Lars a hateful look and me a little wink.

I managed to avoid Feliciano the whole day, but instead of clinging to me, he clings to Ludwig. Ludwig. Fucking. Beilschmidt. I know that I don't care about Feli or that stupid blonde German but those two together. I can't stand it. Feliciano is my little brother so I should care. But, on the other hand, I am angry with him. In my eyes, no cute Italian should be that touchy with a big and blonde German. No one.

In the detention room (yes, they have their own detention room) was Antonio and I, plus some others. Heracles Karpusi (probably fell asleep again), Sadiq Adnan, Ivan Braginski, Alfred F. Jones, Arthur Kirkland, Gilbert, Francis, Roderich Edelstein, Elizabeta Héderváry, Vash Zwingli, and Lars.

Yao Wang, our gym teacher, usually has to deal with this stuff. Poor guy. He stands in front of us, looking bored. That is probably because this happens often.

"What have you all done today that gets you stuck here? Again," asks the Chinese teacher.

"Lovino and I were late to class," Antonio says, playing with a pen. I just sit there and listen.

Sadly, the reasons for the others being here are what always happens. Heracles and Sadiq fight over Kiku, and the poor Japanese student has no idea of what to do. That is why he is not there. The teachers let him go because he is more of a victim to this than a part of the fight.

Ivan and Alfred fight, as they always do. The topics are always ridiculous. Sometimes, it looks like Ivan just wants to go to detention, and Alfred never misses a fight with his Russian enemy. Today's topic: the Space Race. Wow, how can someone make a fight out of that?

Arthur and Francis are not any better than Ivan and Alfred. This time, it looks like Francis is the one that pissed off Arthur. The Frenchman had teased him about being in love with the American. And as usual, the Brit always denies it, but we all know that he lies. The worst part is that they both are so obviously in love, but neither of them notices the other's feelings. Man, it is so annoying to watch.

Gilbert bullies Roderich and Elizabeta, as she always does, hits Gil in the head with a frying pan. Yeah… Eliza can be scary as fuck. It is no secret that Gilbert loves her, and even Roderich sees that, but since this is Heta High, everyone notices except those who hold the feelings. Annoying.

Vash was being overprotective of his little sister. Lili had talked with Lars, and the Swiss thought that something more was going on, so he attacked Lars.

But I feel as though there is something missing…

Someone is knocking on the door, and Yao is opening it. That's what we were missing. Mathias Køhler, Berwald Oxenstierna, and Lukas Bondevik.

Mathias and Berwald are always fighting. They are even worse than Francis and Arthur. Before, they fought over Lukas, but then Berwald fell for his Finnish beauty, Tino Väinämöinen. But just because Tino came did not mean that the Dane and the Swede would stop fighting. Sometimes, Lukas joins if Berwald is being too mean to his boyfriend. If Tino is here, then shit has gone down, but, luckily, he is not. No one was shot today.

At this school we have many rivals. I have mentioned Mathias and Berwald, Francis and Arthur, Ivan and Alfred, and Heracles and Sadiq. It would have been nice if it was only four, but there are other rivals here.

Lars and Antonio, not hard to guess. It's hard to say when it began. Those two has been fighting for so long that no one can remember what it was like when they were friends. Yes, they were actually really good friends.

Antonio also has Arthur as an enemy, so you could say that he has two rivals. They have never been on good terms, so this one is also hard to tell, but if I had to chose one event that made them enemies, then I must go for that time Arthur was jealous of Antonio and beat him up.

Then we have Elizabeta who, like Toni, just can't be satisfied with one enemy, so she has gone for Vladimir and Gilbert.

Eliza and Vlad are often described as "the relationship between cats and dogs." The Hungarian has even started to name dogs after him, just to make him angry. They fight so much that when they don't, everyone else gets nervous because of it. Gilbert just annoys her to no end. By being an ass to Roderich, or simply just annoy her.

With nothing else to do, I take up my book and start working on the project.

We all head out of the room, except from Ivan. I have always wondered about that. He always gets in detention and stays behind. It is not any of my business, though, so I don't bother with it. Alfred often comments it but not today. He and Arthur are going out today, to a movie. They both say it is just as friends, but no one is fooled by that one.

"Bye, see you guys later!" Antonio shouts down the hall as we head for the car. I hope that the rest of our anniversary is going to be awesome.

**The information on Romania and Hungary, Spain and England is from Hetalia achieves, if you wondered.**

**-Nessarys**

**Yao Wang - China**

**Sadiq Adnan – Turkey**

**Lili Zwingli - Liechtenstein**

**Berwald Oxenstierna – Sweden**

**Tino Väinämöinen – Finland**


	9. Chapter 9

"So, Lovi, I was thinking that we could see that one movie we talked about during lunch. Oh, what was the name again?"

During the lunch break, Antonio and I started to plan our anniversary date. As usual, we are going to an Italian restaurant. After we eat, we are going to see a movie. Francis and Matthew had recently seen a film called Warm Bodies. It was about zombies and love. They claimed that it was really funny and romantic. For Mattie and I, zombies never fail in a movie.

I hope there is some annoying bitch there that gets killed in a fucking horrifying way with tons of blood. Who had blonde, slightly curly, short hair and green, almond-shaped eyes. And the hair would be held back by a red ribbon. Maybe the mouth will be shaped like a cat's mouth. That would be nice… That woman does not look like Bella at all. Meh, who am I kidding? In my thoughts, Bella is always the one that gets killed. Always, except this one time when Ludwig died. Don't tell Gilbert.

"Lovi, what are you thinking? It looks like it is something good. You have this dreamy look. Are you fantasizing about me?"

"Hmn? No, I had this wonderful picture of a bitch being killed by zombies," I answer in a normal voice, like it happen every day. Well, it does, but that is beside the point.

"Ahhh, okay. What was the name of the movie again, mi tomate?" The first part was said in just the same way as mine. When I think about it, that is kind of creepy.

"Warm Bodies."

"Thanks, mi querido."

"C'è bisogno di ringraziarmi, Tesoro."

I can speak Spanish, and it was the first language that I took lessons in, but in those lessons, I would always speak in Italian for some reason. I never knew why. After I took Italian and learned that language, then I was capable of learning Spanish. But to be honest, I prefer Italian, and it is like I have spoken it since I was born. Tonio prefers it too.

"What are we doing before we go to the restaurant?" Antonio asks, looking out the window. We switch driving, so today it is my turn to drive to and from school.

"What do you want to do, I mean, we always go on Italian restaurants and do what I want."

"But I want to do what you want, mi amor."

"Come on, Toni! Just decide what the fuck you want to do," I growl.

"Hmnn… we can… hmnn…" He thinks hard. I will never admit it, but he is so fucking cute when he does that.

"Tomato garden!" He shouts and stands up in the car (remember that it was red and without a roof).

"Antonio! Are you fucking crazy? Get down, you stupid tomato bastard!" I yell and try to get him to sit down again.

"But, Lovi, this is fun."

"Get down!" Without thinking, I let go of the steering wheel and pull him down. Suddenly, the car makes a huge turn and takes a flip. It lands upside down. I hear Antonio screaming my name and as in every book and movie, everything goes black.

When I wake up again, I find myself in a white room with blue curtains. My head hurts like hell and everything feels sore. I look around, as much that works when you lie flat. I have an IV in my arm and there are machines everywhere. But that is not what catches my attention. It is the man with curly brown hair (that is what I see of him) that sleeps with his head at my bedside.

_Why is he here? _

I can't remember if I have seen him before. He mumbles something in his sleep and turns so that I can see his face. He has lightly tanned skin, and I have a feeling that he has green eyes, beautiful green eyes that you could simply just fall into. He must be the most beautiful man I have ever seen.

"Lovi," he mumbles again. Who is Lovi? Is that his girlfriend? I feel a little irritated, no, very irritated. That is wrong. I have no claim on that man, so why should I feel jealous? Pull yourself together!

Someone knocks on the door, but the person does not wait on a clear signal and opens the door. In comes a woman with long, dark brown hair and green eyes. She looked like a Greek goddess.

"Hello, I am your doctor, Helena Karpusi, how are you feeling Lovino?" Her voice was like silk, and for one moment I forgot that she asked me a question.

"Huh? Fine, I guess. Why am I here?" I have to concentrate. I have a stunning woman right in front of me. I can't look like an idiot.

"You were in a car crash with your brother, he sleeps there," she points at the sleeping young man. I feel my heart sink at the brother part. I don't know why, but it just did, damn it!

She walks to him and gently shakes him on the shoulder. He opens his eyes slowly, looking around. It looks like he remembers something and quickly looks at me with his green eyes, just as I had predicted. There was just something with those eyes that had marked itself in my memory.

"Lovi, oh my God! I was so scared, mi tomate! It is my entire fault, I am so sorry! Please forgive me! I understand if you don't, but I beg you! Please forgive me!" He cries giving me a huge, but gentle hug. It feels nice, so I won't push him off me. After a long time, he let go and looks me in the eyes, searching for something.

"Lovino?" He asks me in a worried voice. It was almost heart-breaking.

"Excuse me, but who are you?" When I asked I swear that I saw something in him break.

**Mi querido – My darling, sweetheart… (Spanish)**

**C'è bisogno di ringraziarmi, Tesoro – No need to thank me, sweetheart (Italian)**

**Helena Karpusi – Acient Greece**


	10. Chapter 10

"Lovino, darling, your dad and I were so worried, you have no idea!" A woman identical to my brother, the young man that slept at my bedside, came in the door, dragging a worried man that also looked like my brother, except that he had blue eyes instead of green.

"Mom…" My brother said, looking devastated.

"Mrs. Karpusi, could you leave us alone, please," the woman said.

Is she my mom then? Yes, she must be. Maybe that man is my dad? Mrs. Karpusi left the room, quietly and hesitating, as is she was not sure if she should leave.

"Lovino!" My dad, or so I believe, was quickly at my side, looking worried. So my name is Lovino. It's suiting.

"Mom, dad, he doesn't remember us," My brother said, almost whispering, as if saying it out loud was making it real.

"What are you talking about, Antonio, of course he remembers us, right, Lovino?" I could hear that she was nervous.

"Then see for yourself then! He does not remember who I am!" Antonio screamed and runs out of the room. The door slams shut, and all that remains is silence.

"Lovino, what are the names of your parents?" The blue-eyed man asks.

I don't know what to answer. I tried to concentrate and focus on these two people, but I did not find any name in my head. I shake my head and look down. I hear that my mom is trying to hold back her tears, but fails. Dad is sobbing too. I know that this is not my fault, but I still feel guilty.

Why did this have to happen to me?

When we came home, my mom and dad showed me around the house. They where pointing out rooms, but I could not recall any memories about those rooms, except my bedroom. What I remember about the room is blood, sweat and pleasure. It's like I know that there has been much of it there, but I still question those three things.

Why blood? Was it because I got hurt there, so bad that it has been marked in my memory? There are so many things that I don't remember. But most of all, I want to know about the good times. Like how I remember mind-blowing pleasure in this room. I want to know what caused it. I want to re-experience it.

Mom and dad told me something when we were driving home. They cried so much so that it was hard to understand. I now know that my birthday (the day they found me outside their door) is March 17. The woman's name is Claudia Fernandez Carriedo and my dad's is Manuel. My brother has, without a doubt, the most beautiful name I have ever heard. Antonio. The name feels so familiar on my lips, but still so foreign.

Speaking of Antonio, he never came back after he ran out of the hospital, and he is not here either. Mom and dad think that he is with his friends that also were my friends. I wonder if they still think of me as such.

"What's his friends' names?" I ask, hoping that their name would bring some feeling or memory.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt is a loud, Prussian albino. He has a little brother named Ludwig. Toni is also good friend with Francis Bonnefoy. He is a blond, longhaired Frenchman. He has a boyfriend…I think, and a little sister named Lucille," my dad says.

I feel nothing. I shake my head, and go up to my room, the only place that I can recall something from my life I lived before.

Antonio never came home. I did not sleep either. I was just laying still and waiting for the sun to come up and listening for the footsteps of the one I so badly needed. It felt like hundreds of years before the sun finally came, but still no Antonio.

Mom and dad drove me to school and gave me a paper that said which room I was going to and how I can get there. But I did not go to any of my classes, instead I was waiting for Antonio to show up at the cafeteria.

He did not come to lunch. Luckily for me, no one talked to me that day, and I never saw a Prussian albino or a blond Frenchman. I was simply lost for the rest of the day. After many hours of waiting, the school was finally over. I was just about to go home, when I saw a tall man with spiky, dirty-blond hair and sideburns. When I saw him, I felt like have seen him before. When he saw me, he shouted:

"Lovino, why are you here? We all thought that you where sick, since you did not come to history class."

I just stare. He waves a hand in front of my face, looking irritated.

"Hey, Lovino!" He tried one more time.

"Ah, I am sorry, but do I know you?" I must take chances if I want to know about my past life. I silently hope that this man can tell me something I don't know.

"Not funny, try something else."

"It's not a joke!"

"Yeah, yeah. Care to come to my house so we can work on the project? I wont take no for an answer," he says and takes my arm, dragging me to his car. I let myself into the car and he starts the machine.

"So why weren't you at school?" He takes up a cigarette and lights it with a bullet formed lighter. Awesome.

"I was in a car crash and lost my memory."

"Funny story, but I don't believe you."

"Call my brother then, he can tell you what happened. How long was I gone from school anyway?"

"A little under a week."

"Aren't you going to call Antonio?" I ask. Why wouldn't he do that?

"No."

"Is that all you have to say?"

"Yes."

"You did not answer my first question. Who are you?"

"Lars Maes."

"Nothing more to add? Are you a friend?" Is that all he is going to say to me? His name?

"No, but we will be, Lovino."

**Lucille Bonnefoy – Monaco**


	11. Chapter 11

Lars and I managed to work on the project. Apparently we had the Invasion of Holland.

I like Lars. He is nice, and we seem to get along really well. I actually look forward to the next time we are going to meet.

We were lying on his bed, reading and writing, when we hear the door open. Lars just ignores it and keeps his face in the book. I follow his example. Bella is out with her friends, Elizabeta and Michelle Kirkland. Michelle is the sister of Arthur and a really good friend of Francis. Her father is from Seychelles and because of that, she thinks of herself as a Seycellian, and her nickname is Chelles.

"Lars!" It was a woman's voice. She sounded Dutch.

Lars sighs as he sands up and heads towards the door.

"Are you coming or what?" I take the clue and follow him down the stairs.

In the hall there stands two people. A woman with dirty blonde hair, like Lars, that stops a little under her shoulders, and she has green eyes. She is tall, but not model height. The man beside her looks like the woman, but his hair is, with a lack of better word, blonder. But that is about all of the differences. They are almost the same height!

The lady stretches out her hand and takes my hand before I can react. Wow, she has a strong handshake.

"I am Lisa. As you may understand, I am Lars and Bella's mom."

The man does likewise and he smiles brightly at me. His grin was huge, but not as huge and bright as Antonio's smile. No one could out smile Toni. No one.

"Hey there! I am Bella's father, Maxime, nice to meet you!"

I know that they are just half siblings (I remembered it when I sat in the car with Lars), but wouldn't he at least see Lars as his son? I cast a glance at Lars and I can see that he looks uncomfortable.

"This is Lovino Fernandez Carriedo, he is the son of Claudia and Manuel. Remember them?" I am happy that Lars introduced me. His father kind of made me feel out of place.

"Claudia and Manuel, yes, yes. I still can't understand why you and Antonio don't hang out anymore. You guys and Bella were always together, and Lovino would always cling to Antonio. What I remember really clearly is when Bella and Antonio played mother and father for you, Lovino. Oh! And when you guys went out on Halloween. Do you remember what you all wore?" Lisa says, and stares up at the ceiling.

It looks like she is thinking about those memories. I think I do that too, because a flow of memories from when I was little flood to my head.

"Bella was Red riding hood, I was the grandmother, Antonio was the hunter, and Lars was the wolf. We called ourselves the "Tomato Gang". Antonio and I would not take no for an answer." I say quickly. I remember! I have to call Toni!

"Yes, I remember. You all were so sweet. Lovino, would you like to stay for dinner? Bella won't be coming home, so we have enough for one more, " Maxime says and follows his wife to the kitchen.

"I am just going to ask mom and dad."

I take out my phone and enter the number of my mom. I lift the telephone to my ear and wait for an answer.

"Hello, Claudia Fernandez Carriedo speaking, is there something I can help with?"

"Mom, I was just wondering if I could eat at Lars' place?"

"Sure, baby, just come home by ten, vale?"

"Sí. Can I talk to Tonio?" The phone goes silent. It takes long time before I hear the familiar voice.

"Hola." Nothing more. I suddenly feel like there is something missing. Shouldn't it be more than just "Hola"?

"Toni! I remember!"

"What? What do you remember? Please tell me, ba-" He cuts himself off before he manage to say the last word. But before that he sounded so excited.

"That we used to play with Lars and Bella when we were little and the Halloween when we were the Red riding hood quartet. Isn't that awesome?"

The phone goes silent.

"Toni?"

"Sí?" I could here that the excitement was gone. Is that sniffing? Was he crying? Why would he cry? Wasn't this a good thing?

"Antonio, what is wrong, cara?" The cara part just slipped my mouth. It was like I had always said it. I could hear the sobbing growing a little louder.

"Lovi, please don't give me false hope on that memory thing okay?"

"I don't understand, Antonio. What is it?"

"It's nothing."

"Yeahh, suuure… I am not stupid."

"Really, it's nothing. Where are you?"

"At Lars' house" Again the phone went silent.

"Tonio? Don't be a bastard, come on." The line went dead. I tried to call again, but no one answered the phone. Fuck!

I did not see Lars anywhere around me, so I went up to his room after telling Lisa and Maxime that I was going to stay for dinner. She said that we where going to have Slavinken, a Dutch dish of ground meat wrapped in bacon.

"Lars?" He looks up from the book as I get back to the writing.

"What is it?" Maybe it is not a good idea to ask if he knows something about Antonio. Why would he know? But what if he did? No, probably not.

"It's nothing."

When I come home, Antonio is looking at the TV. Lucky. On the way home, it started to rain, so I was soaked.

He looks sad and depressed, and I feel guilty for it. I know that I can't do anything about it, but still, I have this feeling of uselessness when I look at him. I must do something!

"Antonio."

He looks up, his smile big, but not as bright as it used to be when we were kids. He stands up and looks at me slowly, up and down.

"Did Lars do anything strange?"

"No, why would he do that, fratello?" Antonio froze. His eyes went big and I could see tears shining in his usually bright eyes that now look dull.

"Did I do something? Do you prefer hermano?" That did not help at all. Actually it just made it worse.

The tears that he held back were falling fast down his eyes. I don't think I will ever see someone look so sad as he did then. Antonio didn't just look broken and sad, but also betrayed. What have I done?

He slowly walks to the door, but instead of opening it, he kicks it open. Before he manages to run out of the house, I have my arms around him.

"No, don't leave! Please! I beg you, just stay! I will do anything!" For a moment he looks hopeful, but it soon changes to disgust.

"Then stay away from me," he rips himself from me and runs. I try to run after him, but he is faster.

I chase him for many minutes that feel like years, but he is worth that. Nothing is worth more than him.

The rain feels hard against my skin and my chest hurts. I can see his back clearly from here. I give my all and speed up, but when I catch up to him, I trip and fall on the cold and wet ground. Tears of frustration spill over as I try to get up, but my body won't move. I cry out for him, but he doesn't listen, because I know that he can hear me. Is that how little he cares for me? I am his brother for god's sake!

I don't think that I have ever felt so helpless, betrayed, and confused in my whole life.

"Antonio!" I try one more time, but now he turns to me, and stares as I lie on the ground, hurt and abounded. It looks like he wants to go to me, but with one regretful expression on his face, he turns around and leaves me, wet, cold, and broken. And it was then that I knew that I had lost him.

**Seychelles – Michelle Kirkland **_**(I know that her last name can be Bonnefoy and that she is somehow related to France, but when I checked I found most of the surname Kirkland)**_

**Lisa Maes – Mother of Lars and Bella**

**Maxime Maes – Father of Bella **


	12. Chapter 12

Emptiness. It is a feeling that I have felt every day for some days now. Antonio left some time ago, with the excuse that he was going to have a huge sleepover with Francis and Gilbert. Since that day, he ignores me. He ignores me in class and at lunch. At least Lars keeps me company.

Recently, we have been very close. I have even talked to him about the strange feelings I have for Antonio, but he only says that I feel that way because of the memory loss, but to be honest, I don't believe him. I feel that it is something more, and that just makes Antonio's cold attitude towards me harder to take. And it does not help that Bella is all over him either, and he does little to prevent it.

Speaking of Bella, she seems to like being with him, so she is now sitting at his table. And not just today, but every fucking day! She should calm the fuck down! He is mine- No he isn't. He is just my brother, I shouldn't think like that. It is wrong, wrong, so fucking wrong! But it stills feel right to think of him as mine. I am such a freak.

I have got the information that I usually hung out with them, but at the moment, I don't see why I would ever be in the same gang as them. They obviously hate me.

But now, I am with Lars who either is with Lili or Kiku. Kiku is often with Ludwig and Feliciano. Yeah, when I saw Feliciano, I remembered the whole adoption brother thing, so I am still no too comfortable with it, but after the whole Antonio thing, well, I am not being an ass. I hurt because of that, so I have no doubt that Feli would feel the same. It is not even his fault; it is my mom and dad's- Anna and Giuseppe's, I mean.

After getting to know Lili better, I also got the pleasure of meeting her older brother, Vash. I still don't understand why he is allowed to have a gun with him at school. He is not the only one either. Tino has a sniper rifle in his locker and, unlike Tonio, who has his axe in the basement, Mathias has his axe in the same place that Tino has his weapon. Weird shit.

Right now, I am sitting with Feli, Kiku, Ludwig, Lili (Vash is sick today), and Lars. I am eating my lunch, a ton of tomatoes. Okay, not a ton, but a lot. My little brother and the potato bastard are being all sweet, and Kiku is looking at Heracles, who argues with Sadiq, and an Egyptian boy names Gupta Muhammad Hassan just watches as he always does. Lars is talking to Lili, and it looks like they are having fun.

As we sit there, I can see that Bella is still trying to get Antonio's attention, but he keeps casting heartbreaking glances at me. Francis and Gilbert, when they see that he looks at me, try to get his attention away from me. It does not seem to work.

"You shouldn't care about him, you know," Lars whispers to me as he stands up to follow Lili to the library since she needed a book on a project about Liechtenstein under World War II.

"I can't believe that you're leaving me here," I answer back, giving him a kicked puppy look.

"You can come, if you like, " Lili says, and smiles her sweet smile, as she takes my hand and drags me along. Lars does not get away either. I can already see the picture. A little, blond, and shy girl dragging two older boys with her—one of which has a reputation of being a drug addict, and the other one is in the mafia. Yeah, we have those rumours. Well, Lars does smoke but not drugs.

With one last glance at Toni, I leave the room, but I cannot shake the feeling of his eyes on my back.

"I think that you feel more for Antonio, than I first thought."

I sit in Lars's car on my to his house. Again. I have looked at the Spanish bastard the whole day, and it has not gone unnoticed by Lars. And Lili, too, as embarrassing as that is.

I just shrug and keep looking out of the window, acting as if I don't care.

"We have been hanging out for a short time, Lovino, but I still see you as my best friend, even if I don't have many friends in the first place. So I care about you. I don't want you being all depressed over Antonio when there are so many others out there that will treat you better. You deserve better than that asshole."

"So you don't care if I am in love with my brother? Don't you find it disgusting?"

"No, I don't, plus you are not blood related."

That made me happy. I still feel _different; _if you can say it that way, but when a person actually says that he doesn't find you disgusting, it really helps to get up your confidence.

"Thanks, I guess."

"No problem."

We are soon at the Maes household, and we both walk in like we have always been there, and for Lars, he has been here his whole life. Without uttering a word, we both go to the living room to watch TV. There was not much on, so we just stared at it like some brain-dead, TV slaves.

I can hear someone knocking on the door, but as always, Lars does not give a sign to move. I quickly decide that I should open the door (it could be his mom, for god's sake!), so I do exactly that.

When I open the door, I soon regret it, because right in front of me stands Gilbert, his partner for the project Elizabeta, Francis, Arthur, Matthew, Kiku, Ludwig, Feliciano, Antonio, and Bella.

I feel myself getting cold as I just stand there, looking at them like they were aliens, but thankfully Feli, the idiot as he is, breaks the ice.

"Bella was going to have Toni over, so then Gilbert and Francis were going too, and then Tonio had this great idea! That they all could take their partners for that boring projects with them so that they could work on it. And then Gilbert wanted to have Ludwig here, and Elizabeta wanted me to come along too, isn't that nice?"

He babbled on and on, but I did not listen, I just walked back to the living room and plopped down next to Lars, who gives me a look of pity as he lays an arm around me as if he wants to comfort me. Sometimes, I am really glad that I have him. I don't know if I could have made it without that Dutch bastard.

**AUTHOR NOTE:**** I am going to USA on Friday and I am going to be there for a month or later at my cottage (with no internet), so I don't know if I will get to write as much as I usually do. **

**I know that it is in summer vacation that you get to write a lot, but for me, it is rather the opposite. For my family, it is all about socializing and being out in the nice weather (it's so cold in Norway, so when we get the chance, well, then we take the chance), but I promise that I will try to write as much as I can, when I can.**

**I know this sounds like a "bye, wont see you guys in a long time," but there is still some time left before I leave, and I will take my pc with me, but it will just take longer time. I just felt like writing this now. So I hope that you all have a nice summer :D**

**- Nessarys**

**Gupta Muhammad Hassan - Egypt**


	13. Chapter 13

**This is going to be in Antonio's POV. Sorry if he is OOC**

Why did I come here? I should have known that Lovi was here. Maybe that is why I decided to go to Bella's house? My questions are not important now, what's important is that right in front of me stands my Lovi. My Lovi who has been too friendly with that Dutch son of a bitch!

The Italian boy just stands there, looking so lost that I have an overwhelming feeling to just take him in my arms and kiss him senseless, just like we used to, before he lost his memory. I can't do that, he thinks of me as a brother, nothing more.

That thought alone makes my chest tighten and my vision blurry. I love him so much, and he loved me, so why doesn't he remember me? Did he just use me before? No, that is a silly though, Lovino is not that evil, and even if he did, then I am sure that he would have remembered me by now.

Feli starts babbling, and if I wasn't too distracted by Lovi, then I would have seen Francis and Gilbert casting worried looks at me, as they let Feli babble and babble.

When the other Italian is done talking, Lovi walks away and into a room that, if I remember correctly, is the living room. Suddenly, I feel Francis's hand on my shoulder.

"Remember what we agreed to, mon ami," he says in a serious and low voice, so no one can hear us.

"I won't try anything, so you don't need to worry."

Bella guides us to the living room, where I see the most horrible sight of my life. Lars has his arm around the shoulder of my Lovi, and mi tomate doesn't even care; in fact, it looks rather the opposite, because Lovi should have pushed him away by now. He only acts like this with me! And then we have to be alone, too! Is something going on with them?

Gilbert takes my arm and drags me away to sit as far away from Lovi and Lars as possible.

"Some snacks?" Bella asks, and Gilbert shouts that he wants beer, as usual.

"No, I am sorry, but dad would kill me. Is there something else?"

"Do you have Lemon Oatmeal Cookies?" Francis asks for something really ridicules. Have you ever heard of Lemon Oatmeal Cookies?

"We don't have French snacks here. Only Belgian and Dutch."

"Belgian Waffles!" Feli shouts as he run into the kitchen in order to help Bella. I learn something new today. Everything is awkward if Feliciano is not around.

I look at Lovi and Lars. He won't remove his damn arm! My whole body is tense, and I don't even try to stare without being noticed. They are way too close. There is so little space between their bodies. Then Lovi looks at me. His eyes are sad, so incredible sad and lonely. I wish I could push Lars away and hold him. I hold Gil's hand so tightly that my fists are getting white, and I can guess that it hurts. That is the only thing that can keep me from doing that.

"Shouldn't we start working?" It is Ludwig, of course, that says it, and we all agree. Anything is better than looking into my beloved one's eyes.

"You guys can do that, Lovino and I are almost done, so we're having a relaxing day, just watching some stupid program," Lars says.

So they are not even working, but just relaxing. Together. I can feel my rage growing, and I think that the rest of the room notices. Lovino and Lars, unlike the others, do not care, and just keep on staring at the TV. Lars has not even taken away his hand.

So they were just watching television earlier and now. They could have done so may other things that are so much worse. Maybe that was what they were doing before we came? They did take some time to open the door, and Lovi did look pale and uncomfortable. Just as I think that, I lock eyes with the Dutch man. He does not look happy at all, and I can see that he wants me out of the room.

"What have you guys got anyways? I know what Antonio and Bella have, and that the potato bastard and my little brother do not have the project," my precious Lovi asks.

"Elizabeta and the awesome me have Hungary under World War II."

"The frog and I have Britain and France," Arthur grunts.

"We have the bombing on Hiroshima and Nagasaki," Kiku says as he takes up his books from his bag. Everyone else does the same, trying to not look too much at Lovi; I do the same. After some time, Bella and Feli come back with a plate of waffles with chocolate. It looks delicious. Gilbert throws himself over the plate.

"My territory! Keep away!"

Laughter fills the room as Ludwig picks him up and drops him right on the floor. Gil lets out a scream and starts hitting his brother, without luck. It is a hilarious scene, but that is not what I see. I see a smiling Lovi, and he has his face buried in Lars neck because he was laughing so hard.

I stand up and leave the house. I could not take it anymore. I hear that they are yelling to me, telling me to come back. I pretend that I don't hear them, just what I did to my Italian some days ago. I still regret what I said, but I couldn't stand him being my brother. I want him to be my lover, as he used too be. I know that I hurt him and that he probably is confused, but I am selfish. I needed to protect myself from another heartbreak. It still hurts to think of him falling on the ground, crying for me to come back. I also remember that when he said that he would do anything, and then I thought of something so entirely wrong. I should not, in any situation, think of asking him to do that. I mean, what the hell is wrong with me? He sees me as a brother, so what would he think if I asked him to be what he was before the memory loss?

Suddenly, I feel myself getting pushed down. Letting out a gasp as I hit the ground, I see Lars, standing over me. He does nothing else. Just stands there and watches as I lay entirely still.

"What do you want, asshole?" He keeps looking down at me. I feel that I really want to punch him in the face, so hard that he will end up at the hospital for weeks, and maybe moths, too.

"For you to leave Lovino alone."

**Lemon Oatmeal Cookies – French snacks**


	14. Chapter 14

**-Antonio's POV-**

"_For you to leave Lovino alone."_

Lars and I walk back to the house. The Netherlander's words still lingering in the air with so much intensity that even Feliciano would have felt it.

I don't like the threat. No one would, of course, but still. Lovi is close to me, and I don't want to give him up. But on the other hand, Lars is right. Even if Lovino gets his memory back, and still loves me, then he will never be able to marry and have kids. He will never have that, and he has said that he dosen't want that if he can't have a family with me. That could change. Even if he says that it is not important, I know that it will be in the future. I can't give him what he wants, or what he is going to want.

If he does not get his memory back, then I can't push this onto him. Maybe the thought of not-blood related brothers having a romantic relationship disgusts him. Then he will hate me for sure. So, either way, if he never gets back his memory of me or if he gets it back, I won't be enough. Maybe it would be good now but not in the long run.

I feel a too well known pain in my chest. It is as if someone stabs and twists a knife inside me. My hand lies on my chest, and I can hear my heart beat fast. Hot liquid falls from my eyes, as the pain gets worse. It hurts a surprising amount when you finally realise that you are useless to the one that counts the most.

**-Lovino's POV-**

After Antonio left, we all sat in silence before Lars decided that he should talk to him. No one had any objections, but Francis, Gilbert, and Matthew did not look too happy with it. With nothing better to do, I go to Lars's room.

I open the door and face the white room. It is a small room with a bed in the left corner, the flag of Holland, a chair, pc, bookshelf, and a table to do homework on.

I decide that the drawers on the desk are the best place to start, so I open them up and take a look inside of the drawer. There is an old writing book where it states in thick and clumsy handwriting; _LARS MAES, 1 GRADE, ENGLISH. _I take a look inside. The old book has some dust on it that falls off when I touch it. In the book there are many childish pictures of rabbits and tulips. They are actually good for a six year old.

I lay the book down and lock the drawer, then I go to the second one. In that one there are two pictures and a stuffed, white toy rabbit. On the first picture stands four people.

The two adults are Lisa and Maxime, without a doubt. The only difference from when I met them and the picture is that they look a little younger. On Maxime's shoulders is a little girl with blonde hair and a green ribbon. She is wearing a purple dress with a white collar. The child, that I am sure is Bella, is smiling a big and happy smile, unlike the boy that is standing at his mother's left side. The boy has short, dirty blond hair that falls down, unlike his older self's sideburns. He has a brown t-shirt over a dark purple sweater. He also has a blue scarf but not the one he usually uses now. In this picture he looks happy. He does not smile, but he has a sparkle in his eyes. I wonder where that one went? Lars certainly does not have it now.

I take a look on the next picture. Lisa is there, but this time there is a different man. He looks exactly like Lars. The eye colour and even the hair are alike. Lisa and the man are holding a little boy that can only be about six moths or something. The baby's eyes are open, and it has some really beautiful eyes that I soon recognise as Lars's eyes. I turn the picture. On the backside there reads this:

_Voor Lisa en Lars, mijn zoon en mijn vrouw. Je zal altijd in mijn hart, en bedenk dat ik hou van je waar ik ben. Uw echtgenoot en vader, Nick_

So it is Lars's dad. They certainly look alike. I have no idea what it says. I can't read Dutch. I wonder, is he dead or did he leave? In the picture it did not look like he wanted to leave. Why could it not have been in English?

I have a hard time laying the picture back, but I do it. In the next and last drawer, I find an old book, again, but this one has a hard cover and is red. It looks precious, as if it was a book made just for the king himself. On the outside stands Lars's name and birthday. As I open the book, I see another short text in Dutch.

_Happy birthday mijn zoon! HET spijt me dat ik hier niet, en dat is onvergeeflijk, maar ik heb u dit. Het is niet veel, maar ik hoop dat u alles schrijven hier, alsof het boek was me. IK hoop dat u gebruik te benutten en dat u ervoor zorgen. Liefde van je vader_

Damn it! English! After getting done with my little angry rant, I keep turning the pages. It all stands in Dutch, but I can see some names that I recognize: Bella, Maxime, Lisa, Antonio, myself, Kiku (to my surprise), Arthur, Gilbert, Ludwig, Legolas, Lili, Vash, and Mathias. It's a long time before I finally find something in English.

_Dear vader, today something happened. Antonio found out about my feelings for Lovino. He was so mad, and I can understand that. He is protective over him, and I would probably have felt that, too if something like that happened to Bella. I just hope he does not tell this to Lovino. If he finds out that I love him, then I don't know what to do. He will think that I am disgusting. I am disgusting. There is a reason Maxime hates me. He does not know that I love a boy, but it's the fact that I am who I am. The human being, Lars Maes, is disgusting and wrong. The priests tell us that we all are equal, but I don't feel that. I am not as good as Lovino. I don't think that anyone is as good as him, and the fact that I have less worth than everyone else makes Lovino so much more of a goal I can never dream of. I have tried everything to get over him, but for the time being…I really can't fall out of love with him. It is impossible. I wish that you were here, vader. I have no one else to talk to. I feel so alone. What am I going to do?_

**Voor Lisa en Lars, mijn zoon en mijn vrouw. Je zal altijd in mijn hart, en bedenk dat ik hou van je waar ik ben. Uw echtgenoot en vader - To Lisa and Lars, my son and my wife. You will always be in my heart, and remember that I love you regardless of where I am. Your husband and dad**

**Happy birthday mijn zoon! HET spijt me dat ik hier niet, en dat is onvergeeflijk, maar ik heb u dit. Het is niet veel, maar ik hoop dat u alles schrijven hier, alsof het boek was me. IK hoop dat u gebruik te benutten en dat u ervoor zorgen. Liefde van je vader - Happy birthday my son! I am sorry that I am not here, and that it is unforgivable, but I got you this present. It is not much, but I hope that you can write everything here, as if the book was me. I hope that you use to its fullest and that you take care of it. Love from your dad**

**Vader – Dad (Dutch)**


	15. Chapter 15

**I am sorry that I wasn't able to write in like a hundred years, but there where so many places to visit and so much to do so I didn't have time to write anything. I am home now, with 4/3 weeks before the school starts again. Huff…**

Shit. It is a nice word to describe a situation like this. Shit.

For some reason I could not lay the book away, so I just keep staring at it, hoping that it would just disappear. Sadly it did not on a miraculously way turn into dust. Damn my luck, which means that it is time to use my brain. Now, Lovino, think!

In the diary it said clearly that Lars liked me, but that does not mean that he still is in love with me, right? For some reason I got the feeling that I may be wrong. He has gone through so much in his life that I think his crushes must be serious, and he does not look like the type to think that attraction means love. I can in a way understand. I thought that my mom and dad hated me and every person on the school hated me too, so I do think much about feelings and I know to be careful of what to call it.

In the book it said that his father, Maxime, hates him, his real father, Nick, is not here, Antonio dislikes him at the strongest, and he thinks so horrible things about himself to the point that I feel like puking. I may act like a cold bastard at times, but you are downright evil if this does not make you feel sorry for the poor guy.

I know that I should not look more into the diary after that page, but the curiosity takes the best of me and I starts looking for the newest date. It was the day that we got the project about an event in World War Two.

_The day went as usual. Everything was okay, just as it was supposed to be. But then in the history class Mr. Beilschmidt decided that we should have a project about World War Two. He made the pairs, even if everyone complained. He even put Alfred and Ivan together. Bella was paired up with Antonio. I am happy for her. She came with whom she wanted and it is really no secret that she loves him, but I don't think that she has a chance. He looks a little too much reserved._

_I am now with Lovino in the WW2 project. I am happy, but what if he finds out? I can't let that happen. It is obvious that he don't like me and never will either. I have tried to get over him, as I have mentioned a lot, but I can't get him out of my mind. He is perfect. The way that little curl sticks out, the cute faces he makes, even his curse words. Everything about him is flawless. People often say that no one is perfect, but for me, he is._

_You would probably say that I should go for it, but I don't think that it is a good idea. I don't want to ruin what we already have, even how small and dumb the relationship actually is (if it can be called that). He is not my friend, but I could become his best friend. I could settle with that, because then I get to see him and make him happy as a friend. As long as he wears a smile, then I can smile too. I hope so._

He still likes me then. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck! What do I do then? He is not going to make a move? No, he knows that I like Antonio and as he said in the text, he can settle with just being friends. Calm down, take a deep brea- I heard the door down stairs open. I quickly lay the book back and hurries down the stairs, hoping (with little hope) that it did not look too suspicious, but by the looks of it, I obviously failed.

What I see is not something that I like, to say it nice. Lars, whom looks at me in order to find out what I have been doing upstairs, stands beside a broken looking Antonio, and I can see that he has been crying. I run the last couples of stairs and stops in front of Lars.

"What have you done?" I growl at him, but his cold expression reminds the same.

"Dannazione! Tell me already, bastardo!" I only get a shrug and something about giving him a talk that made the Spaniard cry. He went back to the living room as I throw angry Italian rants after him until my patient runs out. I turn to Toni, whom still looks like he can break at any time.

"Tonio…Cuéntame lo que pasó, por favor?" He smiles at me, and I know that it is because I use Spanish. In a faint memory I can remember shooting him with the language when he has been upset.

"No es nada, así que usted no tiene que preocuparse." I look him in the eyes and I can see that he is lying.

"You are lying."

"No."

"Yes, you do."

"No."

I have no idea how long we stood there, yelling before the door opens and Lisa comes in with Maxime on her heels.

"Lovino and Antonio, what a pleasant surprise!" She smiles her bright smile and gives us a hug. Maxime takes Antonio in the hand and introduces himself as Bella's father.

"There are others here too!" Bella shout to her parents.

"Who?"

"Gilbert, Elizabeta, Francis, Arthur, Matthew, Kiku, Feliciano, and Ludwig!"

"That is nice! Is there someone that wants to eat here?" I could here many of the teenagers yell "yes". That included, to no ones surprise, Gilbert, Francis and Feliciano.

"How many are we then?"

"Arthur, Matthew and Kiku must go home, so we are eleven people," Elizabeta says as she walks up to Lisa and shakes her hand, introducing herself.

"Actually, I have to go so-" Antonio interrupted me.

"Me too, so it will only be nine, sorry." No one took it hard except Bella whom looked pissed and Franny and Gil (they showed him by clinging to his legs and pretended to be crying).

We both said good-bye and headed home. Not a word was spoken on the way home, and the feeling of that there was something really wrong would not leave me.

**Dannazione! - God Damn it (Italian)**

**Cuéntame lo que pasó, por favor – Tell me what happened, please? (Spanish)**

**No es nada, así que usted no tiene que preocuparse - It's nothing, so you don't have to worry. (Spanish) **


	16. Chapter 16

The first thing that Toni did when he came home was to lock himself in his room. It meant that he wanted to be left alone, or (what happens the most of the time) that he talks to Francis or Gilbert about who-knows-what.

With nothing better to do, I find the living room, where my dad is. Following his example, I sit down on the yellow and soft couch and stare at the TV. He watches a popular Spanish TV series (at least, that is what he claims) with a fresh churro in his hand that Claudia had made. She is an expert on churros, and the love she holds for the Spanish pastry is proudly passed down to her sons (Yes, I love churros, but not as much as tomatoes).

Manuel does not lift his gaze from the show as he takes a bite of the churro. He is chewing slowly, as he looks at the damn series. The Spaniard has an air of "we are going to have a talk, young man". Fuck, this man is good at making people nervous. When he is done with the pasty and I think, no, I know, that he just broke the Guinness World Record in the category: To eat a really small thing for the longest fucking time ever.

"What happened?" His stare was still on the TV, and if I did not know better, I would have thought that his attention was on the Spanish series instead of me.

"Nothing."

"Don't lie."

"I am not lying." He sighs, still without looking at me.

"It is obvious that something has happened." I had a feeling of what he meant, but because of the memory loss, I could not say for sure. I shrugged.

"You and Antonio."

"What about us?" I really have a bad feeling now. Has he found out about my feelings for Tonio? No, or maybe… Sweat runs down my neck, and it suddenly becomes hard to breath properly. Manuel may look like and act like his biological son, but he is very smart, so it would not surprise me if he had found out about it.

"You guys were so close, so I was wondering if you two had a fight or something."

"You know that I don't have memories of Antonio after the fight with Lars. It could be that Toni is just depressed, couldn't it?"

"There must be something more to it."

"Or maybe not." The entire worst-case scenario was playing out in my head.

"_I could not overlook the fact that it is obvious that you are in love with your brother. So I called my super violent friend, who is an Italian mafia boss. He was in jail for raping poor, little children like you and killing cute babies. He is also immortal and has been in several wars before, and Hitler's best friend, and let's not forget about the time when he killed a man that was ten feet tall with just one, single hit to the knee. He'll be here in ten minutes, so remember to greet him properly and don't wake the guys next door with the screams, vale? :D"_

That scenario is most likely never going to happen. Is there even a man that is immortal? And I am pretty sure that men that are ten feet tall don't exist.

"Since you don't remember, I can try to explain how you guys used to be." My answer is a little nod, and he seems to catch it, to my surprise, since he is still looking at that fucking, annoying as hell, show.

"When we first adopted you, or we found you outside our door, but that is not important, Antonio was a baby-"

"Cut the crap, old man, and get to the parts that I actually don't remember, and stop stating the obvious. We both were born in the same year. Everyone knows that."

He just smiles, looking at mental pictures from when we were kids. I start to notice where Antonio got his love for children.

"After that thing with Lars and Antonio, when you were about…14-15? Yes, a place in between that. Anyways, after that and a little time before that time, probably two months, or at least close to that amount of time, you and Antonio was super close. The two of you were always together. Not that you guys weren't before, but you were closer than ever. The period when you were the closest is from that day to the day you lost your memory."

"If I did not know better, I would have guessed that you were newly in a relationship. Full of passion and youth! Yes, all that nasty, romantic stuff. Just like Claudia and I."

In the other room, I could hear Claudia sneeze.

"So, I know that Antonio would not be so cold towards you if there was just the memory loss. So, please tell me, what is it between you and Antonio?"

I blush hard, and Manuel just laughs. Why is he doing that? Does he find it so much fun to tease me?

"There is nothing. Just the relationship between brothers." Manuel looks at me with a sad look on his beautiful, Spanish face.

"When you are ready, please come to me, vale?" I nod as I turn my eyes in the direction of the TV.

"Can we please watch something else?" I know from experience that being rude to this man while he is watching a good show (and again, he claims it's good. I hate the show) was not a good idea.

"Hmmnn…maybe…maybe not…" I get on my feet, getting ready to do my famous Italian rant, when he laughs and switches to my favourite show of all times. It is a series that Toni showed me a while back, and it is, of course, about an Italian mafia kicking the asses out of everyone. Nothing is better than that. Maybe a certain Spaniard that is upst- NONONONONONONOOOOOO

I mean tomatoes. Tomatoes are the red God of food and everything good. Yes, that is a fact.

I take the place that I took just a few seconds ago and smile when the main character comes and takes the scene, turning it into awesomeness itself (Noo, Potato bastard nr. 2 is rubbing of on me, I feel dirty!). When I think about it, the main character kind of resembles Antonio. He is cheerful and possessive, nice and badass.

"_Lovi, baby, I found a series about mafias. It looks good, and the main character looks a bit like you, except for the curl and some other minor things, but still."_

_I walk to him and he gives me a hug that makes sure that I am in his lap. He holds me tight, and I can feel his smile pressing into my neck. I can't hold back a smile either._

"_Want to watch it with me?" He nods._

"_Sure, mi amor."_

What the hell was that?


	17. Chapter 17

After spending an hour watching the badass mafia series (yeah…right. I was not thinking about the flashback-thingy, not at all), I finally went to my room, acting as if nothing had changed. That is what it looks like, but on the inside…it was a fucking mess. My brain was working so damn hard that I was sure that I saw smoke come out of my ears.

The memory could mean a few things:

1) We were together before. That explains Tonio's strange behaviour (cold, distant and broken), the looks that Francis and Gilbert gave me, and the fight Lars and Antonio had when they were younger, and, maybe, I am not sure, the fight from about two hours ago. The diary said that the Spaniard was angry because of Lars's feelings towards me. It was not an unknown fact that Antonio could be very possessive of the things that he felt were his.

2) He is kidding, and we are nothing more than brothers. Just really, really close. So close that we can cuddle and call the other by silly, love-struck nicknames in English, Spanish and Italian.

3) He knew about my feelings for him (how else can I explain the feelings I have now) and was nice enough to try to return my feelings.

4) He pretended to love me, because I have a nice ass (I do! But Antonio's is nicer. Have you seen it?)

Out of these, I like number one the best, if that wasn't obvious. But it could be one of the others, too. I don't want to jump to a conclusion and then make myself an idiot and a fool for assuming something that was not right.

Maybe I can ask Fra- no, no, no. Fran and Gil are not an option. Lars and Bella are also big no, as well as my long lost brother and his German boyfriend. Okay, they are not together, but the way they act says something different. And I am sure that Feli would have come to me at once to babble about how they are so happy now that they are lovers, so best friends is probably what they are. I suddenly felt like killing that damn potato-loving bastard.

Hmmmnnn… Now I wish that I had more friends. Wait, don't I have at least one more? Yes! I am sure that Francis has a boyfriend. If I remember right, he is the kind of person that holds on to secrets. But what was his name? Mark? No. Mathias? No, Lovino, that is the drunk Dane. M… Mathieu is what Francis calls him, so it must be Matthew. Yes, his name is Matthew Williams, the twin brother of Alfred.

I have to talk to him at school tomorrow. But first, sleep.

Antonio sat still, not saying a word. His hands are on the steering wheel, and his eyes are on the road. His dad's staring thing was in his blood, apparently.

The houses that passed us were boring. I have never thought about it before, but this neighbourhood is just filled with boring, grey houses. The only way that you could see a difference was the doormat.

"How did you sleep?" I had to break the ice in a way, and the weather is just too obvious to talk about when things got awkward. Plus, the Spaniard has a thick head, so this one I could get away with.

"Good" A short reply, but he was smiling, a genuine smile. I can't help but smile too. He looks so much better without that cold expression on his face. Nothing could ruin my day now. Nothing.

"Why?" It was not too avoid tension, but because I was curious.

"Bella asked me out." And my day just got a smack in the face, and it hurt so fucking much. I wanted nothing more than to lie down and cry my heart out.

"Che cosa?"

"I said that she asked me out."

"I fucking get that! What did you answer?" Please say that you said no. Please say that you said no. You said no. You rejected her; please say that you rejected her. Don't hurt me. Please. Please. Please!

"I said yes, why not? It is not like I am dating anyone, and maybe I could fall in love with her, who knows?" No. No. No, no, no, no. Why did you do that? You don't love her!

I can feel the tears roll down my cheeks. My chest feels like it has a big lump in it, and it hurts, it hurts so fucking much. I love you! Please! Are you just like everyone else? Throwing me away for someone else, someone better?

"Lovino? Lovi? Are you okay?"

It is not like you care. No one cares. I will always be the second best, no, not even second. I am the one person everyone can throw away. Mom and dad love Feliciano and hate me. Claudia and Manuel will always prefer Antonio to me. Feli would have chosen mom and dad and even Ludwig. And Francis, Matthew, and Gilbert would never give me a thought. Even Antonio, my brother, would rather have Bella.

"Seriously, Lovi, you are scaring me! It is not funny!"

No, Lars. The Netherlander would maybe, just maybe, have me first on the list of people that you care about. But, it does not help that much. It is not Lars's attention that I want. It is Antonio's. My Antoni- Bella's Toni. That sends me over the edge. I throw my arms around Toni's neck and cry into his shoulder. I can never do this again, but the Belgian can. She can kiss him, hold him, everything I can't.

My tears are soaking his shirt, and he pats my back. It takes all my willpower to force my feelings into the shadow of my broken heart, trying desperately to hate him. But I know I can't. The feeling of his hand on my back does not help to calm me. It is, rather, the opposite. It just reminds me that he has someone else.

I know that he does not love me, but I still feel like he has betrayed me.

"Lovi, do you want to go home?" I shake my head.

"Take me to the fucking school." And he does, with one hand on my back and one on the steering wheel. It does not take long before we are there, and he gently whispers to me that we are at the school.

I break away from the embrace that I already miss. He screams after me as I run as fast as I can in the direction of the main entrance.

Just as Toni, I scream as I run into a soft, yet hard chest. Taking the chance that my eyes are not as red and swollen as I think they are, I look up, and I see right into beautiful, shocked, green eyes full of so much love (that I begin to wonder why I never had noticed it before) of the man that cared for me the most in the whole wide world.

"What did he do?"

**Author Note: ****It will end with Spamano. ****I know that it does not look bright, but remember that the story is not over yet. I don't like spoiling, but I have seen cases that someone stops reading because the main character gets together with someone else, but at the ending the original pair gets together again. So I am sorry for spoiling.**

**Che cosa? – What? (Italian)**


	18. Chapter 18

"_What did he do?"_

As Lars lifts his head to look at a very confused and sad Antonio, the Netherlander's eyes go from shock to anger.

"What did you do?"

His voice is ice cold and full of anger, which I have never seen before. He always seems so calm, no matter the situation. I can feel that he lays an arm around my shoulders, but he is not pressing me against his chest, just comforting me. Should I rest my head on his chest? But before I can do anything, Lars walks to Antonio, and if looks could kill, then I am sure that Toni would have died at least two times already.

"I did not do anything!" Antonio shouts back to Lars, now looking just as furious. "This has nothing to do with you either, so fuck off!"

"You made him cry!" Antonio looks down, and I can see that he is starting to tremble.

"It's still nothing you should care about, Lars… Lovino is none of your business." Tonio lifts his gaze to the Dutch man, and I feel so out of place here, as I stand a little behind Lars.

"It is because I care!"

"No, you don't!" Lars's knuckles go white, and I can see the blood that drips from his palm. I should stop this.

"Hey, stop this!" They don't seem to notice me. I growl and get ready to punch them both.

"I care!"

"Then why!"

"Because I lo-" I freeze. Antonio doesn't look too good, and the same with Lars. He is sending me a pleading look.

"Lovino, I-" Before he can utter the next word, the Spaniard has the Netherlander pinned to the ground.

"Antonio, stop!"

"You still feel that way, huh." Lars does not answer; he is just staring hatefully at him.

"ANTONIO, YOU FUCKING BASTARD! GET THE FUCK OFF OF HIM AT ONCE!"

Well, that seems to have made him pay attention to me. I feel anger boiling in me, and I have the urge to break something. But I still have no idea of what to say to them. I love Antonio, but now there is Bella. Lars loves me, but… Maybe I can come to love him- No, no, no.

"Get off him, Toni." Antonio, after sending an angry look down at Lars, gets up and leans on the car. Lars brushes off his clothes and looks at a point at Antonio's left. An awkward silence follows.

"Lovi-" Lars tries, but Antonio cuts him of with the same sentence. Both of them look at me with hopeful eyes.

Making a choice fast is not easy, but it has to be done. My brain is working on high speed, but suddenly, I am overwhelmed with a feeling that I have never had before. Okay, I have had it before, but not for Antonio. I have never felt this feeling for him, because I love that bastard. Not before now. I want to hurt him. He hurt me, even if he did not mean it. It would crush him, if I choose Lars. _No, Lovino, you can't hurt him, just look at those eyes. You can't mean that you want tear his hope to pieces_. But he did that to my hope. _But even if he did that, does not mean that you should do the same- _Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!

I take Lars's arm and drag him towards the school, and I can see that Antonio looks heartbroken. Two feelings are fighting inside me. The feelings are happiness and guilt. I am feeling happy because I hurt him, since he hurt me first, but I feel guilty for doing that to him, for making him miserable.

"Lovino, please I-" Antonio's words rings in my ears and it is the feeling of guilt that wins the battle.

"Mi dispiace" I mumble all the way to the class, and Lars is just following me, and I think that he hears me, because he bears a mask of guilt on his face, as if he is sorry for both Tonio and me.

"IK HEB er ontzettend spijt"

When we come to the class, Francis and Gilbert are not there, and I can still hear Lars repeat the Dutch words.

**Antonio's POV**

After my Lovino dragged Lars into the school, I heard my phone ring. Without looking at screen to see who it was that called me, I pressed the button and held the phone to my ear.

"Hey, awesome here. I could not ignore the fact that my _spanisch Freund _was not here, so the awesome me decided to call _sie _and-"

"Mon ami, tell _moi _what happened to our _mignon Italien." _

When I did not answer, I heard Francis say something to Gilbert that sounded like this; "We have to go to _Notre pauvre petit _Antonio, mon ami. Now."

Hearing them all worked up make something go tight in my chest.

"_You love your little frère, don't you, mon ami?"_

"_What the hell are you talking about, I don't, I mean, Seriously, Franny, I do not lo-"_

"_Yes, you do, you can not hide amour from a French man. You should know that by now."_

"_Ja, even the awesome me can see you are head over heels for your bruder. No need to hide it. He is niedlich, not as cute as Eliza but still cute."_

"_Okay, okay, but he will never like me back, he will think that I am disgusting."_

"_Non, non, non. Toni, ask him out, I know that he loves you. It is painfully obvious. Even mon petit Alfred could see it."_

The tears start rolling down my cheeks. So much crying in so little time, huh?

"_I am sorry, Lovi! I did not mean to kiss you, it just happened, I-"_

_His soft lips where on mine before I could finish the sentence. He was kissing me! He was kissing me. That was the only thing that went through my head that day, and I could still feel his delicious lips on my own. _

_My vision was filled with the cute blush on his cheeks, and my ears could still hear his voice as he said; "I love you, too, you bastard, I always have. I was just afraid that you would hate me if I told you. I really love you, Antonio". _

**Mi dispiace – Sorry (Italian)**

**IK HEB er ontzettend spijt – I am so sorry (Dutch)**

**Spanisch Freund – Spanish friend (German)**

**Sie – you (German)**

**Mignon italien – Cute Italian (French)**

**Notre pauvre petit – Our poor little (French)**

**Frère – Brother (French)**

**Niedlich - Cute**


	19. Chapter 19

**Antonio's POV**

"Tonio!"

I groan as I hear the French man running to me. I know that it is not their fault, not entirely, that Lovi is angry with me, and chose Lars. They are probably laughing their arses off, talking about how pathetic I am and how they hate weak and pathetic human beings. Then Lovi and Lars will be all lovey-dovey, while I am with Bella. I really hate her. So much. I am thick headed, but even I can see that she has been flirting with me. As much as I hate it, I thought that my little tomate would get his memory back if I let her do that. Or it is just Francis's stupid " -his-memory-back-French-style". I should have known better than to follow his advice, such as lying to Lovi about going on a date with Bella. I did not do it as much as he wanted, I made it a little less extreme. Franny's version was more of a…

_L: "How did you sleep?"_

_A: "Wonderful."_

_L: "Good. Why?"_

_A: "Beautiful Bella asked me out on a romantic dinner at your favourite Italian restaurant, you know the one we went to about three years ago, mon cher. _**It was at this that I decided that I would not follow Francis's version of The Car Dialog. It was also when I asked him why I turned French. I never got the answer.**

_L: "What?"_

_A: "Are you deaf, mon petit tomate?"_

_L: "Bloody Hell, you stupid frog!"*Angry British rant*. _**It was here that I started to wonder where Lovi went and why Arthur Kirkland was there, instead. He said that I did not need to worry my little head about that, so I tried to ignore the Angry British Rant preformed by a happy French man who tried to do an British accent (and failed horribly).**

_A: "I am not dating anyone, you do not decide who I am going to fuck!" _**I decided that it was best to not ask questions.**

_L: "Yes, I do! Because I suddenly remember that we used to date! Dump her!" _

_A: " No need to panic, my lovely Mona Lisa, she did not ask me out, I just tried to get you to remember!" _**When did I start to call Lovi Mona Lisa?**

_L: "Ohh, Antonio, you sexy beast, let's have a threesome with your hot friend Francis."_

_A: "That is indeed a good idea."_** It was then that I started to stop listening to his idea. Of course after asking him about his Matthew. That question made Francis angry, because now he had to improvise. He made Gilbert hold me there since I tried to leave his "masterpiece".**

_L: "But since he is together with that cute Canadian, we have to include him too in our threesome."_

_A: "Yay, a foursome!" _**Then Gilbert started to come up with ideas.**

_L: "No, make that foursome into sixsome. We can't forget the awesome Prussian, Gilbert the awesome, and his slightly less awesome girlfriend, Elizabeta!"_** I was happy that Ludwig came at that point and took Gilbert home. **

"Tonio, did it not work out?" I gave Francis a look and he jumps behind Gilbert.

"Okay, but I tried to help!"

We sat there for a moment, in silence. Francis got up to take a phone call, probably Matthew, judging by the way he talked.

"Non, non, juste dire à l'enseignant que nous ne nous sentons pas très bien ... Oui, je sais qu'il ne sera jamais le croire, mais s'il vous plaît, mon cher, je ...-Je ne peux pas partir maintenant, vous voyez, Antonio avoir un jour fraise. Lovino-... que font-ils maintenant? ... Je vois ... Donc, nous ... Oui! ... Au revoir, mon ours polaire. Je t'aime aussi. " (No, no, just say to the teacher that we don't feel very well…Yes, I know that he will never believe it, but please, mon cher, I-… I can't leave now, you see, Antonio is having a rough day. Lovino-…what are they doing now? ...I see…so we…Yes! ... Bye, my Polar Bear. I love you too.)

He kisses the phone before slipping it in his pocket. When he talks to Matthew, or Matthew to him, they use French. Before I thought they only talked that way because no one was going to hear their dirty talk, but then I got his sister's girlfriend, Michelle Kirkland, to translate. I don't know her well, but when it stood between Bella (no, no, no), Vash Zwingli (Big no), Roshaun Aboya Jamar (I don't know the guy), Michelle (preferably not) and Lucille Bonnefoy (she is his sister, I can't ask her), then you take Michelle. It is a shame that it is just them who can speak French.

Anyway, they talk normally and act cute, that's all, as strange as that seems, I mean, it is Francis Bonnefoy.

"Good news! The WWII project is due now, but since mon petit Mathieu says we are sick today… No project!"

"Awesome."

"So now, let's go to my place and discuss Antonio's love life."

**Lovino's POV**

I did not see Antonio for the rest of the day. Not in Mr. Beilschmidt's class or any other classes. I heard that Francis and Gilbert were in the classroom, but then suddenly they disappeared, and their siblings do not look too happy.

Ludwig looked so pissed off that even my stupid fratello shivered and decided to talk to me instead. Even Matthew did not want to sit beside the angry German. Outside of the school was Lucille, smoking in peace. It is a bad sign if she smokes without Michelle there, trying desperately to make her stop. And poor Matthew was the victim of her angry glares. We all knew that the Canadian covers up for Francis and Gilbert.

Lars sits besides me, and he looks very nervous. Bella sits to his left, and she is pouting, as she complains.

"It sucks that Tonio isn't here." And that pisses me off. I really want to strangle her, but I don't. I am sure that I would end up in prison. But to my surprise, she does not mention the date with Antonio. That is strange. Knowing her, the whole school would have known by now.

I lean over to Lars, and whisper to him, so that Bella won't be able to hear us.

"What is Bella doing today?" I ask. Lars should know if his sister is going on a date, as overprotective as he is.

"She is going out shopping with the girls."

"The girls?" Shit, shit, shit. Why did he say that they were going on a date, when Bella was going to hang out with her friends? Why? Is it because- no. don't get your hopes up, Lovino.

"Elizabeta, Lili, Lucille, Michel-, Lovino, where are you going?"

"Be an angel and tell Mrs. Hassan that I got a fever or something, Lars, please."

**Roshaun Aboya Jamar – Cameroon**

**Michelle Kirkland - Seychelles**

**Lucille Bonnefoy – Monaco**

**Eshe Hassan – Mama Egypt**


	20. Chapter 20

I ran as fast as I could. I did not know where Antonio was, but the safest bet was to run to Francis. There was no other option. Claudia was at work, but Manuel was working from home today, so he could not have gone there, that's for sure. He would have killed him. Mr. Beilschmidt was at school, dealing with the students that got on his nerves, but his wife is home. Sofie Beilschmidt is always home because she suffers from a very rare disease, HNPP. When I heard that she had that terrible disease, I went right to Google to look it up. I found out that it is an extremely rare disease in which nerves are slowly and progressively destroyed by the body's immune system.

Because of that, Gilbert and Ludwig almost never have anyone home. I would have done the same if Claudia were in Sofie's shoes.

I stop at the closest bus station and sit down. It is two minutes until it comes. I usually take the car, but since I don't have one right now, I have to take the crowded buss. I really hate buses. Too many people in too small an area; you always get squeezed. I shiver at the thought. Speaking of thoughts, what am I going to say to Antonio when I get to Francis's place?

I don't know for sure that he loves me. He just lied about going on a date with Bella. Maybe he just wanted my attention? Well, then he sure managed that. If he rejects me, what should I do then? I could always come crawling back to my real family and beg them to let me stay. And that is no problem. Feliciano would love to have me there; Anna and Giuseppe asked me that before, in the form of Feli, and my little brother, Marcello… I have no idea of how he acts, except for what I heard from my German infected brother, and that is that he is a flirt. He even tried to hit on Kaelin Kirkland, one of Arthur's half-sisters. Damn, is that family big!

I jump out of my seat and get on the bus. And, of course, since I have the best luck of all time, I get pushed from the crowd and end up squeezed between a muscular man and a woman with huge breasts. That reminds me of someone I know, the big sister of our favourite (or not so favourite) Russian.

"Hey! Don't touch my girl!" I know that voice. If it is who I think it is, well, then I am screwed. Praying that I am wrong, I look up to see the person that I really don't need to see today, at least not when I am being pressed against those huge-

"Did you not hear me, kiddo? Keep your hands to yourself-"

"Sadiq, дорогий, he was pushed, it is not his fault. Poor little thing." She patted my head as she stared at Sadiq, as she tries to look angry, but fails miserably. I can see the Turk's face crack into a grin.

"Awwhh, Bebeğim, seni seviyorum."

"Я теж тебе кохаю"

Trying not to get even more breathing problems than I already have, I lift my head in order to breath, but that causes Yekaterina Katyusha, as she is named (never try to call her Kate or Katy in front of Ivan, he will kill you. Alfred tried that.), to see who I am. She gives me a shocked look.

"Lovino! What are you doing here?"

"Lovino, the brother of Antonio? Katy, what are you talking about. He would never-"

"I am right here, bastard!" He looks down at me, and then he starts laughing. I don't like to be ignored, and even more so when he is so much taller than me. It makes me feel small.

"Lovino, seriously, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at school?" I tried to answer, but he keeps talking.

I am trying desperately to not hit him in the face. He could easily beat me to death. I remember that time when Sadiq had a crush on me (That was a long time ago, damn it!). Let's say that Tonio wasn't too happy, so, being the overprotective boyfriend/brother he was, and hopefully still is, tried to fight him. It did not go very well. He came home with bruises all over, and Claudia was so worried. She even called Sadiq's parents, and they were forced to talk things out. Since then they have not been on too good of terms, and Sadiq fell in love with Katyusha instead. I am not sure if I am glad that he is together with the girl he loves, or sorry for him, as he is now one of Ivan's main targets, after Alfred.

Wait a minute! I have not known about this memory before… That means that I remember! Not the most pleasant memory, but still! Maybe I will be able to remember Tonio soon. Trapped in my happy thoughts of getting a memory back, I don't notice that Sadiq is still talking before he punches me on the back in a friendly way.

"What would your mom and dad say? Oh, does Antonio know? I am proud of you, skipping class. You've grown so big."

"Nice to see you, Sadiq, and you too, Katyusha, but I have to get off." I excuse myself politely. At this the Turk pouts, and Katy smiles as she waves.

"Have a good day, Lovino."

Somehow, I managed to get out of the bus alive, so falling flat on my face is a small price to pay for getting out of that damn bus, and I am now at the right station. Thank God for that!

I get on my feet and brush off my clothes, and take a deep breath before I start my mental preparation. It is going to be okay. Hopefully, he will not kill you. He will only reject you. No big deal… I can already feel my confidence slip away. Damn it all! I will tell him. And then we can take it from there. Or maybe I should kiss him, and then if he shows some kind of disgust then I will run as fast as I can to the bus and jump on the first one I see, even if it is not the right one. Yeah, that's it, Lovino, you are a genius. Then, in the corner of my eye, I can see a grey house, like every other house, but with the French flag hanging on the door. I will never understand why, but at least it makes it easier to find his house.

Taking another deep breath, I knock on the door. After banging my head on the wall a few times, the door opens up. Francis stands in the door, looking very confused.

"Hello, I was wondering if Antonio is here."

**HNPP (****Hereditary Neuropathy with liability to Pressure Palsies) is an extremely rare disease in which nerves are slowly and progressively destroyed by the body's immune system.**

**Дорогий – Darling (Ukrainian) **

**Bebeğim, seni seviyorum – I love you, baby (Turkish)**

**Я теж тебе кохаю – I love you too (Ukrainian)**

**Kaelin Kirkland – Wy **


	21. Chapter 21

"_Hello, I was wondering if Antonio is here:"_

It did not look like my request was unwelcomed, for Francis looks like he had just won a million dollar in lottery, even if he first looked confused. His face cracks up into a wide grin that goes the whole way to his shining, blue eyes.

"Lovino, mon ami, Tonio is in my bedroom." He finishes his sentence with a wink. Ignoring his joke, I set my course for the Frenchman's bedroom.

Francis's house is like any other house in the neighbourhood. Grey, and dull on the outside but on the inside, it is completely different. The inside of this house that looks so lifeless is, in reality, decorated with so many paintings that you couldn't see the walls underneath all of the various designs and colours.

There were fake paintings of the famous, French painters, such as Claude Monet and Paul Cezanne, and even more of Francis's biggest heroes of all time, Jeanne d'Arc and Napoleon Bonaparte.

There was a time when the Frenchman actually thought that he had deep feelings for Jeanne. He read every book about her in order to get closer to her. Francis had learned all about her childhood and the wars. There was nothing he didn't know about her. It was kind of creepy. Almost every word that came out of his mouth was Jeanne. The "crush" was not something small that lasted a few weeks or months. The obsession, as Gilbert called it (and still does), lasted for about 2 years. It also did not help that after he got over her (we had to watch Jeanne d'Arc movies, and eat Ben and Jerry's), he got his new idol, Napoleon. We can all thank Matthew for stopping him from losing his life in the books of the great general.

That memory came to me in the Math class. I started to snicker loud enough for the whole class to hear me, and now everyone thinks I am crazy.

I come to the end of the hall and see Francis's room, but before I can knock, Francis opens the door, and drags a shocked, Prussian man out of the room and slams the door and locks it. I can hear the Spaniard kicking the door and yelling something along the lines of "Let me out!"

"Hey! Franny, that is not funny! I was giving Antonio my awesome love advice, I- Hello, Lovino, what are you doing here?" He laughs nervously as he gives Francis death glares. I can still hear Tonio's shouting. He probably did not know that I was here.

"I came to talk to Antonio."

"That is nice, but I was talking to him now, an-" He gets cut off by a hit on the head.

"What he means is that you can go in to him right now, and we will not disturb you, right, _Gilbert_?"

Gilbert glares at Francis with an annoyed look on his face, and Francis stares back with a smile while he is trying to tell the German something with his eyes. Apparently the eyes-thing works, since Gilbert's eyes widen in understanding. He turns to me with a smile on his face.

"Ja, ja, ja. Now go and talk to him."

"Thanks, I guess." To be honest, the whole thing with Francis and Gilbert freaked me out, but knowing them, I will just have to get used to that. Stranger things will happen for sure. Why is Antonio friends with them in the first place?

"LET ME OUT! SERIOUSLY, AMIGOS!"

"ANTONIO! DON'T BREAK THE DOOR! MAMAN AND PAPA ARE GOING TO KILL ME IF YOU DO IT!"

The kicking did not stop, and Francis looks pissed. Gilbert laughs loudly. Not laughter, it sounds more like kesesese. It does remind me of Antonio's weird fusoso laughter thing… I have no idea what to call it.

"IF YOU DO NOT STOP, I WILL DESTROY EVERY TOMATOE GARDEN IN THIS TOWN!" Francis seems pleased with his threat as we hear Antonio gasp.

"NO! You are not that evil, Francis, I will stop, but please, don't kill the tomatoes! I promise to clean-"

"No need, mon ami, I will open the door now. There is someone that would like to see you."

"Really? Who? You have to open the door, you know, I can't see the person."

"Someone from school, and promise that you won't freak out, okay." That does not sound good.

"Sure, unless it is Lovi, but it is not, right?" Have you ever been stabbed in the chest before? Probably not, I haven't either, but I am sure that this is what it feels like.

"…"

"Right?" He sounds desperate, as if the answer decides if he is going to live or die.

The pain in my chest gets worse, and I feel like puking. Coming here was not a good plan. Why would I even think that he would ever want to speak to me? I must have looked too much into the Bella thing and some of the memories, even the fight outside the school. Maybe I should leave and never come home. I could stay at Lars's place for a while, or even better, I could take the first airplane to Europe and stay there for the rest of my life, in a shitty apartment with drug addicts. Sounds fucking great.

"Well, Toni, you see, we just want the best for you, and seeing Lovino is a good thing. Talk to him, please. I know it will help."

"It is so unawesome of you to not talk to him, he skipped school for you." I could hear him walking around the room.

"I think I should go-" Before I can take a step in the direction of the door that will lead me out of this damn place, Francis takes my arm and keeps me still.

"No, absolutely not. You two will have a long conversation, and I promise I will not listen, and Gilbert too." I could hear Gilbert curse in German.

We stood outside the door a long time, only hearing Antonio's footsteps behind the closed door.

"Is it okay to talk to him but with the door closed?" He asks, sounding nervous.

"Okay, okay. Come Franny, it is better than nothing." Gilbert drags a defeated Francis that has started to whine in French to the living room, leaving Antonio and I alone. I sit down, leaning my back against the damn door that separates me from my beloved Spaniard.

"Antonio, please talk to me."


	22. Chapter 22

"_Antonio, please talk to me"_

I can hear that Antonio sits down on the floor. What am I supposed to do now? What can I say? I should have talked to Ma-, no, maybe Mike… No…Micha… Fuck it! His name doesn't matter now. Hold your focus on Antonio, not M... let's just call him M. M is so much easier than his real name. I wonder how Francis managed to learn his name, and the Frenchman can even see him. I swear that he has a superpower that makes him invisible.

"So… Why are you here, Lovino?"

Good question. Now how am I going to answer that? I can't just say the truth. What would he think? I know that if Feliciano (if we grew up together) did this to me, then I would not be happy. We are brothers and males. Think of something…

"Lovino?"

"Well, I was just wondering if you are okay, I m-mean, you know-" Bravo, Lovino, bravo. You did not blow your cover just now. How do I manage to screw up everything?

"Are you okay?" I am so glad that he can't see my face, because I am sure that my face is more ridiculous than my voice.

"Yeah."

"Oh, really?" Fuck my life. Fuck my life so much.

"Really." I can hear him laugh on the other side of the door, and it makes my broken heart heal a little. The beautiful silk sound of his incredible voice, filled with happiness, causes me to smile too, and my face cracks into a small grin. I can't help but think of how the simple laughter of a person you care deeply for can make you so joyful and warm.

"You haven't changed as much as I first thought, Lovi."

"I haven't changed, tomato bastard." He snickers, and I can tell that he has the hugest grin on his face.

"If you insist on that, I assume we will have to test your memory. So, what do you say?"

"Ehhhh, okay, I guess." I can say, without being embarrassed, that I am scared as fuck. Maybe he will hate me and think that I am disgusting, but I will just have to take the chance, won't I?

"Can you open the door, it is kind of hard to do it from here, you know, I don't have any key, but you have."

"Oka-what?" I must have heard wrong. He did not just say that he wanted to talk to me, face-to-face, right? No, I probably heard what I wanted to hea- No! No, no, no. I don't want that, it is way to embarrassing, and on top of that, my voice and face are definitely going to give me away.

"I said that you have the key, and that you must open the door, since I can't. If we are going test you, I must see you, you know. Makes it easier."

I guess I heard right then. I manage to press out a nervous okay before I find the key in the keyhole and open the door. I walk into a very strange room. Francis really loves his home country, so his walls just had to be painted as Paris. I could see the Eifel tower and the stars that were highest on the wall, surrendering a beautiful full moon.

Antonio had moved from the door to Francis's bed (it was no surprise to see that the duvet and the pillow designed as the French flag). He patted on the spot beside him, smiling to me, and I can notice that he he's nervous and even scared. I must say that I surprise myself when I read Tonio like an open book. It is not that he is easy to read in the first place, which he is, but I feel like I can see through everything and find more emotions in his eyes and face than Francis and Gilbert can. If I were honest, I would say that I could rival Claudia and Manuel at the easy sport of "Antonio-reading".

I sit down where Antonio's hand was. My face burns and I keep looking at my feet so that he would not see the blush. I feel like I have been in this situation before. Strange.

"So, where shall we start?" Antonio asks.

"Why do you ask me, tomato bastard? I have no idea, it is you who remembers, not me." From the corner of my eye I can see that he smiles sadly.

"You've got a point there, Lovi. Now, how should we do this?"

"I have no idea, bastard. I already remember everything, except for you. But recently I have-" I cut myself of. I know that I have decided to tell the truth to Toni, and then get disappointed, but it does not mean that I am not scared, and that the words get stuck in my throat.

"You remember something about me? What memory?" He gets up from the bed with a desperate expression. If he reacts like that, then maybe he will… I can't get my hopes up.

"W- when you showed me the mafia series with the character that looks like me." His face falls in a state of concentration.

"Tonio?" It doesn't look like that catches his attention. I wave my hand in front of him. That does not work either. It seems like he is going over something, but I can't be sure. Suddenly his face lights up.

"Hey, Lovi, do you remember what we said and did in that memory?" Judging by the look on his face he already knows what happened in details. It is really no need to hide anything. So why do feel like holding the important parts out?

"You showed me the series and we watched it together when mom and dad were out. You also said that the character looked like me, just without the curl."

He looks disappointed. It was clear that he wanted another answer.

"Is that all?"

"..." I am evil. I mean, look at the poor guy. He looks so broken. Don't I have the balls to tell him? This could be my chance to tell him, no, this is my chance, and I even promised myself to be honest with him. Am I really that pathetic? Even Feli could do this without problems! Just do it, Lovino!

"No… There is more…" He turns to me with hopeful eyes.

"Please tell me." I can't say something like that out loud; it would sound way too stupid. But then, how can I tell him if I can't use words. Then an idea takes root in my brain. They always do this in books and movies.

"I can't tell you…"

"Eh! Why?"

"But I can show you…" I get up from the bed and take him by the shirt and drag him into a deep kiss. I keep my eyes shut; because the last thing I want to see is his pained and disgusted expression. At first he doesn't act, and I am just about to pull away, but then he put one of his arms around my waist and the other one supports my head.

A wave of memories comes crashing, as if they have fallen from space, or something.

"_Antonio, you are being creepy."_

"_Sorry mi amor, but I hate him."_

"_He didn't do anything, idiot."_

"_His presence was provoking me."_

"_You are hopeless, you know that, cara."_

"_Lo sé, cariño."_

I snicker against his soft lips. I am rewarded by a warm smile, but we don't pull away.

"_Lovi!"_

"_What?"_

"_Te amo."_

"_Fuck off."_

"_But, Lovi."_

"_Ti amo, bastardo."_

"_Awhh, Lovi, you're so cute! I think I need a hug!"_

"_No."_

"_A kiss?"_

"_No."_

"_But it is our anniversary, mi amor."_

"_Okay…"_

"Where are you, querido?" Real Antonio asks, noticing that I have my thoughts somewhere else, deep in the memories of our past relationship.

"_I really love you, Antonio, and not in a brotherly way. I know that it is wrong, but I can't help it." My heart falls in my chest when he doesn't answer. I can't see him, since I am looking another way._

_I can't stand not seeing his face in a situation like this, so taking the chance of rejections; I lift my head and take a good look at my beloved Spaniard. But what I see is not what I expected. I see Antonio, but he is not disgusted, not at all. He is actually crying. Tonio's tears falls silently from his beautiful eyes._

"_I love you too, Lovino." And the he smiles one of the smiles I love the most; the smile that are truly happy and that are just meant for me. _

"_This will be our little secret, Lovi." I nod._

"_Sí."_

"This will be out little secret, right, Antonio?" Smiling even wider than before he mumbles a silent yes, and kisses me one more time, more passionate this time.

"I hope this secret lasts forever."

**This is the last chapter except for an epilogue, and then I have finished my first fic, so proud! I am thinking about changing the title to Secret or Little Secret. What do you think? Or should I keep the old title? Stupid ending is stupid. **

**-Nessa**


	23. Epilouge

I find myself in a situation where I can't decide what to feel. Am I happy or pissed? Normally, it would not be a problem to tell the feelings of happiness and irritation apart. So what is the situation?

Well, in the horrible place called school, there is a principal. This principal is a fucking idiot, and, therefore, he arranged something everyone knows as the Christmas ball. The girls love it, the guys with a girlfriend love it, and Antonio loves it. And this is where my problem is.

We, Antonio and I, and almost everyone that does not enjoy this event stand here, leaned against a wall and observing the couples that dance, laughing, and are having the time of their life.

Antonio has used half of the night begging me to dance with him, and I am happy that he has all of his attention on me and has ignored Bella every time she has asked him to dance with her. This is why I am pissed. Why can't Bella (and the others from the Antonio fan club) just leave him alone? He is finally mine, and I am not going to lose him again.

On the other side of the dance floor, I can spot Lars. He is standing alone, and it looks like he is trying to find someone in the crowd. After my memory came back, I decided to talk to Lars about it all, telling him everything about Antonio and I, and he accepted it. That happened some months ago.

We still hang out a lot, and Lili must have convinced her brother that he was a nice guy, since he suddenly started to act a little less protective over her and stopped trying to kill Lars. But I think it has something to do with the break up between Roderich and Elizabeta. Eliza started to date Gilbert and Roderich seems to be with Vash all the time, and I( and everyone else) am sure that there is more to it than just friendship.

Then it looks like the Netherlander spotted the one he was looking for, and out of the crowed comes a small girl with short blond hair with a purple ribbon and a long, red dress. Lars smiles and takes her hand and kisses it, and I think she is blushing because of the smile he gives her. As she turns around I can see her face, and I am not surprised to see that the girl is Lili. She has talked to me before about her feelings for the blonde man, but I could not give her any advice, and it looks like she did not need it either.

I can see that Elizabeta give her thumb up as she dances with Gilbert, who looks like he is heaven. Francis, as usual, does nothing to hide his love for Matthew. Right now he is standing in a pose that makes it look like he is proposing, and the Canadian looks lost. His brother doesn't really care about it. He is currently trying to get his new boyfriend, Arthur, to dance with him, but the Brit refuse.

I get snapped back to reality when Antonio puts his arm around my waist.

"Hey! I won't dance. There are way too many people here. I haven't changed my mind."

"Come on, Lovi. Francis and Matthew are dancing, so why can't we?"

"We are brothers, that's why."

"Ah, I forgot." You have to be blind to not see how sad he looks, and to be honest, I think that it is sad too. When Claudia and Manuel aren't home, we dance a lot to Spanish music. We both love to dance, so it is a disappointment that we can't now.

Lost in the depressing atmosphere of it all, we don't notice that Francis and Matthew are walking to us before Francis stops in front of us and starts to speak.

"You two seem to be lonely. I bet you want to dance."

"But we can't." Antonio answers, looking down at his feet.

"Not if it is a sibling dance." Francis insists.

"I can't see any siblings that are dancing."

"Ivan is dancing with Natalia, and I could ask Alfred. I am sure that Francis has no problem asking Lucille, Vash would love to dance with Lili, and we can't forget that Lukas is more than happy to steal a dance from Emil."

Antonio tackles Matthew in a hug, and Francis has to drag him away from his little lover.

"That's a good idea, Mattie! Come on, Lovi, we can dance."

"Wait, Tonio, there are no-"

"Matthew said that Ivan and Natalia are dancing, so why can't we?" My hesitation seems to have done the trick. Francis is asking his sister, and she nods silently and takes his hand. Mattie is already in Alfred's arms, and Ludwig doesn't look so good, but Gilbert clearly takes pleasure in seeing his brother blush as he swings him around the entire room. The blonde German cast longing glances at Feliciano, hoping that he would save him, but the Italian makes no move to help him.

"Okay." He smiles an eye blinding smile, wraps his arms around me, and starts to move in a slow pace. I press my face to his neck so that he won't see my blush.

"You really think that you can hide that blush from me?" He laughs, and kisses the top of my head.

"Shut up."

My arm is around his shoulder and my other lays in his hand. He squeezes me hand and holds me close. The music is some kind of rock song, and the pace we move in doesn't fit at all, but we don't care. This is our dance and our moment. Nothing can change that. Losing myself in my personal music that is Tonio's breathing and my heartbeat, I know that there is no other place in the whole world that I rather be, than in Antonio's arms.

The End

**Thanks to everyone that followed/favorited/read this story, and to my awesome beta reader **

**Hope you all enjoyed this fanfic!**

**-Nessa **


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